You guys, this has been a rough, rough week for women. Are you low-level seething? Are you ready to set shit on fire? Me too. But instead I decided to search the internet for soothing animal things to give everyone a break but oops, my rage showed through anyway. It's cool, just go buy a tiger shirt and bare your teeth at the next dummy who tells you to smile. I've got your back.
Showing posts with label stop it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stop it. Show all posts
Friday, September 28, 2018
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
We Discuss: Mules, Turtlenecks, Potions, and 🐟
M: Those fucking leopard mules I LOVE THEM
A: DUDE I KNOW
A: Like, why, Madewell
M: I keep trying to ignore them
A: They also have a heeled version that are metallic
A: I think I might have sent those to you
M: Oh you did, I still like the Rachel Comey ones more
A: The flat leopard pair are love
M: They are so good
✴︎✴︎✴︎
M: This black turtleneck in 3...2...1...
A: OH MY GOD
A: She literally wants us to wear a turtleneck under our underwear
M: I am going to see if she can go a week without mentioning it
M: I mean this is twice in a week
A: We’re going into a transition season so basically impossible
M: So predictable
A: I’m sure I do the same thing on the blog (like complaining about cardigans and whatnot) but I have NEVER suggested someone wear a turtleneck under a cami.
M: NEVER
A: I don’t even own a turtleneck
M: I do but would never
A: I wait with anticipation to see what she’ll suggest we wear it under next.
M:
A:
M:
A: I think you won the Internet with the Rock GIF
M: Heheh
M: Turtleneck AND fanny pack! So on trend!
A: And the chain!
M: Fanny pack full of cod
A: That pic is pre-cod 🐟
M: True
M: Cod-adjacent
A: I’m sure he was at least thinking about cod.
✴︎✴︎✴︎
M: Bad news, I love the Kiehl’s cleansing oil sample
A: Boo, I didn’t get that sample
M: Ugh I was off the potions and now I’m BACK
A: That Kiehl’s Midnight Recovery Concentrate is SO NICE
M: It really is
A: Remind me, where did you hear that the president of Kiehl’s said to layer the serum, oil and mask?
M: Grace Atwood a blogger I follow:
A: Yes, thank you! I DID THIS LAST NIGHT
A: No clue what I was doing but the Skin Squad kit* is great
M: Hahaha
M: So far so good!
M: My skin looks happy and my pores smaller
A: My face was pretty perky this morning
A: All hail Kiehl’s for dragging us back to potions
M: Praise be
A:
A: DUDE I KNOW
A: Like, why, Madewell
M: I keep trying to ignore them
A: They also have a heeled version that are metallic
A: I think I might have sent those to you
M: Oh you did, I still like the Rachel Comey ones more
A: The flat leopard pair are love
M: They are so good
✴︎✴︎✴︎
M: This black turtleneck in 3...2...1...
A: OH MY GOD
A: She literally wants us to wear a turtleneck under our underwear
M: I am going to see if she can go a week without mentioning it
M: I mean this is twice in a week
A: We’re going into a transition season so basically impossible
M: So predictable
A: I’m sure I do the same thing on the blog (like complaining about cardigans and whatnot) but I have NEVER suggested someone wear a turtleneck under a cami.
M: NEVER
A: I don’t even own a turtleneck
M: I do but would never
A: I wait with anticipation to see what she’ll suggest we wear it under next.
M:
A:
M:
A: I think you won the Internet with the Rock GIF
M: Heheh
M: Turtleneck AND fanny pack! So on trend!
A: And the chain!
M: Fanny pack full of cod
A: That pic is pre-cod 🐟
M: True
M: Cod-adjacent
A: I’m sure he was at least thinking about cod.
✴︎✴︎✴︎
M: Bad news, I love the Kiehl’s cleansing oil sample
A: Boo, I didn’t get that sample
M: Ugh I was off the potions and now I’m BACK
A: That Kiehl’s Midnight Recovery Concentrate is SO NICE
M: It really is
A: Remind me, where did you hear that the president of Kiehl’s said to layer the serum, oil and mask?
M: Grace Atwood a blogger I follow:
A: Yes, thank you! I DID THIS LAST NIGHT
A: No clue what I was doing but the Skin Squad kit* is great
M: Hahaha
M: So far so good!
M: My skin looks happy and my pores smaller
A: My face was pretty perky this morning
A: All hail Kiehl’s for dragging us back to potions
M: Praise be
A:
PS. The Kiehl's kit we bought has two of the three products mentioned above, plus a great daily moisturizer. I just didn't want anyone thinking they were also getting the overnight mask with that kit. (We demanded samples of the mask. And other stuff. Sorry, Kiehl's lady.)
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
We Discuss: Year-Round Turtlenecks.
A: Um
A: ???
M: Something is missing
A: WHO JUST WALKS AROUND LIKE THAT
M: Don’t ask me ask Tits McGee over there
A: This seems to be a thing now
M: I mean on the one hand, fuck the patriarchy and their fetishizing breasts but on the other ma’am I see your nipples.
A: RIGHT. Like, I’m not a prude but lady, are you riding that bike all wibbly-wobbly?
M: She seems very happy
A: Her top is pretty?
M: It is
A: But
M: You ain’t got no braw
A: This
⟺⟺
M: Andrea Linett needs to stop saying you can put turtlenecks under sundresses or whatever and wear in the winter. STOP IT:
A: NO TO TURTLENECKS UNDER EVERYTHING
M: Just STOP IT
A: This is not okay
M: It’s leftover from her magazine days I think. DAY TO NIGHT. YEAR ROUND.
A: I was thinking maybe I could wear my denim shorts this winter with black tights and boots?
M: STOP IT
A: It looked rad in 1990
M: It can stay there
A: I am kidding
M: Oh I know
A: OR AM I
M: gurlllll
A: kidding
M: OR ARE YOU
A: WE SHALL SEE
A: But you know those plaid pants are going to happen.
M: Hmph
A: I can’t help it
A: I promise to not wear a bikini over them?
M: god
A: DAY TO NIGHT. SUMMER TO WINTER.
M: PUT A THIN TURTLENECK UNDER A BIKINI
A: RIGHT!
M: We should just wear a thin turtleneck under everything
M: At all times. Never nude with a turtleneck. Turtleneck in the bath.
A: ALL TURTLENECK ALL THE TIME
M: She got the turtleneck part
A: Well, I guess
M: I mean I’m not saying put a turtleneck under a turtleneck but maybe a bra
A: It doesn’t seem unreasonable:
A: I googled it knowing it probably existed. AND IT DID.
M: Let’s cleanse the palate with this.
M: Literally the cutest thing I have ever seen
A: OMG
A: OMG OMG
M: I am DEAD
Monday, February 15, 2016
We Are Baffled Yet Again. (Probably NSFWish)
M: I have a lot of questions:
A: How does. Where do you. But they. Why. WHY. WHYYYYY.
M: I am legit baffled.
A: WHO WOULD THAT LOOK GOOD ON.
A: This one would be hilarious on me:
M: I think they forgot how to bra.
M: I mean:
M: I do commend them for giving work to nipple-less underwear models:
M: I don't think they are selling this as sexy limited use lingerie! I think they are like, this is a reasonable and supportive thing to wear!
A: It comes with a "matching g-string with a peekaboo front" because apparently All Your Junk Is Hanging Out is the thing now.
M: NO THANK YOU.
A: YOU STARTED IT.
M: I HAVE REGRETS.
A: I hope you're happy.
M: I’m really not.
A: Want to come over and drink gin in a ditch with me?
M: Let me grab a sweater.
A: *high five*
Monday, April 27, 2015
The Seinfeld Effect.
A: We're going to need to talk about this.
L: Oh, honey. You're wearing penis pants!
A: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
L: I think once you're Seinfeld-level wealthy people stop telling you when things are a bad idea. This is just a guess.
A: I'm sure Jerry was like, "Hey, honey? Um...nothing. Never mind."
L: "What's the deal with diaper pants?" Could you imagine if Elaine wore those?
A: There would be an entire episode about the penis pants!
L: These are definitely Puffy Shirt level funny.
A: But I don't wanna be a pirate!
L: I have to say I'd like to see these on Kramer.
A: No. No. Stop that.
L: Ankles on display. Maybe with an urban sombrero?
A: LALALALAICAN'THEARYOU
L: OWN IT:
A: You know what I realized? Those penis pants are probably Rachel Comey. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER.
L: She's evil. Clearly.
A: !!!!!
L: I quit.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
We Have Thoughts About Coachella.
L: As my husband astutely pointed out this weekend, I wasn't into what "the kids were doing" even when I was a kid, so maybe I was just born old, BUT: what the hell are the kids wearing at Coachella??
A: I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. SO MANY. Perhaps a list.
L: 1. If you're not a hippie in your non-festival life, you don't get to
be a hippie at a festival.
A: 2. High waisted jeans look good on exactly nobody.
L: 3. John Lennon sunglasses looked bad in the 60s. John Lennon sunglasses looked bad in the 90s. John Lennon sunglasses look bad now.
A: 4. Which reminds me: Sean Lennon. Can he be stopped? Please?
L: 5. Your butt is popping out of your short-shorts.
A: 6. Nepotism! It’s always in style.
L: 7. You are wearing too many accessories.
A: 8. How is Alexa Chung always SO G-D FLAWLESS.
L: 9. Zoe Kravitz: 100% cool gene inheritance complete.
A: 10. Katy Perry looks cute.
L: 11. You jack Jimi Hendrix's style, you're bound to look cool.
A: 12. Don’t hassle The Hoff! (What?)
L: 13. If you're a bro, you're gonna have a hard time looking "wacky."
A: 14. Justin Bieber continues to fill me with nameless rage.
L: 15. You chill with Chris Brown, you're bound to make people have nameless rage about you.
A: 16. NO. I just got ragey all over again.
L: 17. All of you at Coachella are trying too hard. Stop making us mad.
A: 18. I need to go lie down.
A: I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. SO MANY. Perhaps a list.
L: 1. If you're not a hippie in your non-festival life, you don't get to
be a hippie at a festival.
A: 2. High waisted jeans look good on exactly nobody.
L: 3. John Lennon sunglasses looked bad in the 60s. John Lennon sunglasses looked bad in the 90s. John Lennon sunglasses look bad now.
A: 4. Which reminds me: Sean Lennon. Can he be stopped? Please?
L: 5. Your butt is popping out of your short-shorts.
A: 6. Nepotism! It’s always in style.
L: 7. You are wearing too many accessories.
A: 8. How is Alexa Chung always SO G-D FLAWLESS.
L: 9. Zoe Kravitz: 100% cool gene inheritance complete.
A: 10. Katy Perry looks cute.
L: 11. You jack Jimi Hendrix's style, you're bound to look cool.
A: 12. Don’t hassle The Hoff! (What?)
L: 13. If you're a bro, you're gonna have a hard time looking "wacky."
A: 14. Justin Bieber continues to fill me with nameless rage.
L: 15. You chill with Chris Brown, you're bound to make people have nameless rage about you.
A: 16. NO. I just got ragey all over again.
L: 17. All of you at Coachella are trying too hard. Stop making us mad.
A: 18. I need to go lie down.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Mind the Sartorial Gap. (Actually, I Do Mind.)
 |
| source: The Sartorialist |
A: Someone should tell the Shobbit he's not actually funny. At all.
L: UGH! Why?
A: The fact that he even KNOWS the term "thigh gap" is highly suspect.
L: This is a man who definitely prefers all his woman to achieve unreasonable "standards" of beauty.
A: CAMILLA. THIGH CHECK.
L: WHERE ARE YOUR COLLARBONES, CAMILLA?!
A: CAMILLA, DO I SMELL GELATO?
L: NEGATIVE CALORIES, DAMMIT!
A: GIVE IT, CAMILLA. STOP HOLDING IT SO HIGH! DON'T MAKE ME JUMP FOR IT.
L: CAMILLA, I SEE YOUR NOSE HAIRS!
A: CAMILLA! YOU KNOW I CAN'T REACH THE FREEZER.
L: A man with such limits should be very careful where he treads with his "jokes".
A: He is definitely short on humor.
*high five*
Monday, September 8, 2014
Brangedouchebaglina
 |
| Mr and Mrs Completely Insufferable. |
A: I didn't realize you hated Angelina Jolie the way I do! I am so HATEFULLY HATEY OVER THE WEDDING. HAAAAATE.
L: Personally, I think everything that they do publicly - buy a house, get another baby, PUBLISH THEIR WEDDING PHOTOS - is a deliberate eff you to Jen.
A: Butbutbut, Brad is the cheater! HE is the one that cheated on her with Angelina! WHY does everyone love them so much? I think Jen totally traded up with Justin Theroux. He is smoking.
L: I know!! He should show SOME level of couth!
A: Brad just strikes me as not very smart. I think Angelina jinxed him or something. Meanwhile:
 |
| Woof. |
L: I am very conflicted because I feel like I might like Brad were it not for what he's done to Jen. I mean, Fight Club Brad Pitt in a pink robe? It's like he knows my Achilles Heel.
L: Though that Justin ain't lookin' bad. Not. At. All.
A: I actually loved Brad in Ocean's Eleven but I can't forgive him for being the world's biggest douchebag to his ex.
L: And like the IMMEDIATE family, when you know just know that he and Jen had a plan and a whole career-timing thing and *poof*! Gone.
A: Yeah, it was creepy. Also creepy: the Uterus Watch that Jen's been living under for years. You know what? It's really okay to not have kids these days and I wish they'd all leave her alone.
L: It is *very* ok! Especially with all that celeb money and vacation time? Are you kidding me? It's like they are wondering if she could POSSIBLY be satisfied with that life which is just beyond silly.
A: It must be so so sad, all those tropical vacations with her smoking hot man. How does she fill the days.
L: She probably cries all her tears right onto her daily-massage-therapist's shoulders.
A: Poor, poor Jen.
L: I feel for her.
A: *sad tear*
Monday, April 28, 2014
Birk Talk.
M: I want to talk about Birkenstocks but FIRST I want to talk about this because NO. TOO FAR NO.
A: I saw that and made an angry animal growing noise. TOO FAR.
M: I just REFUSE. Okay now I want to talk about Birks.
A: I think they're just fucking with us. Anyway, Birks. Go.
M: First I need to say that as someone with long, narrow, bony feet, Birkenstocks don't fit me and it makes me a little sad.
A: Um, not to cause problems, but they do come in narrow.
M: Oh I've tried! Not narrow enough. They are just Not For Me.
A: I actually own a pair of silver Gizehs that I like okay. The part between the toes is overly thick, though. That sounds dirty.
M: Gross.
A: I would wear these:
A: But the Arizona style everyone is cawing about? Nope.
M: Oh see, I disagree. I think that ONLY the Arizona or Gizeh is acceptable. Any other iterations look too....no.
A: I will never love the Arizona. It's the official shoe of dirty fake-hippie hacky-sack playing students.
M: Well I mean that's what they ARE. Fashion or no. I think the fashiony people are secretly terrified that they have to wear them.
A: Terrified? Or hopeful? I think they get cautiously excited any time something comfortable is briefly in fashion.
M: Hopeful, perhaps, but they are not exactly flattering.
A: Well... but we are talking about these people:
M: *blink blink*
A: They seem like they'd wear shower shoes with mink trimmed Hermes knee socks and be all, "...What?"
M: FASHUN
A: THERE ARE LIMITS.
 |
| what in the hell. |
A: I saw that and made an angry animal growing noise. TOO FAR.
M: I just REFUSE. Okay now I want to talk about Birks.
A: I think they're just fucking with us. Anyway, Birks. Go.
M: First I need to say that as someone with long, narrow, bony feet, Birkenstocks don't fit me and it makes me a little sad.
A: Um, not to cause problems, but they do come in narrow.
M: Oh I've tried! Not narrow enough. They are just Not For Me.
A: I actually own a pair of silver Gizehs that I like okay. The part between the toes is overly thick, though. That sounds dirty.
M: Gross.
A: I would wear these:
 |
| Birkenstock Catania |
A: But the Arizona style everyone is cawing about? Nope.
M: Oh see, I disagree. I think that ONLY the Arizona or Gizeh is acceptable. Any other iterations look too....no.
A: I will never love the Arizona. It's the official shoe of dirty fake-hippie hacky-sack playing students.
M: Well I mean that's what they ARE. Fashion or no. I think the fashiony people are secretly terrified that they have to wear them.
A: Terrified? Or hopeful? I think they get cautiously excited any time something comfortable is briefly in fashion.
M: Hopeful, perhaps, but they are not exactly flattering.
A: Well... but we are talking about these people:
 |
| source: Trendy Crew |
M: *blink blink*
A: They seem like they'd wear shower shoes with mink trimmed Hermes knee socks and be all, "...What?"
M: FASHUN
A: THERE ARE LIMITS.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
NO THANK YOU, MOM JEANS.
A: I PROTEST.
M: "They won't necessarily flatter your body." SOLD!
A: JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY.
M: I love a high waisted jean! They can be comfortable and flattering and oh my gooooooood don't wear these!
A: I just don't think the person who wrote this article actually knows what "mom jeans" are.
M: Frankly I am a little offended. Both as a mom and as a human being with working eyeballs.
A: I just avoid anything with pleats, elastic or long-bottom potential. They are never okay.
M: Pretty sure you can buy pants that fit that description at Urban Outfitters OH LOOKEE THERE.
A: And this pair? That are just outright called Mom Jeans?
M: Longest. Product. Name. Ever. Coincidentally, also longest zipper.
A: What do you think the rise is on those? 14"? 42"?
M: I think that's an accurate range.
A: I just can't. I can't. I CANNOT.
M: There there. No one is going to make you wear the horrible jeans. *pats head*
A: You might. You might make me wear them.
M: Damn it, FOILED AGAIN.
M: "They won't necessarily flatter your body." SOLD!
A: JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY.
M: I love a high waisted jean! They can be comfortable and flattering and oh my gooooooood don't wear these!
A: I just don't think the person who wrote this article actually knows what "mom jeans" are.
M: Frankly I am a little offended. Both as a mom and as a human being with working eyeballs.
A: I just avoid anything with pleats, elastic or long-bottom potential. They are never okay.
M: Pretty sure you can buy pants that fit that description at Urban Outfitters OH LOOKEE THERE.
A: And this pair? That are just outright called Mom Jeans?
 |
| No no no |
A: What do you think the rise is on those? 14"? 42"?
M: I think that's an accurate range.
A: I just can't. I can't. I CANNOT.
M: There there. No one is going to make you wear the horrible jeans. *pats head*
A: You might. You might make me wear them.
M: Damn it, FOILED AGAIN.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
All The Things.
M: something about the crotch of these jeans makes me feel terrible:
A: They make the model's ass look flat as a pancake.
M: Well, her ass probably is flat as a pancake.
A: But good jeans should help! Those do not help.
M: But the crotch. What is HAPPENING.
A: They are supposed to be slouchy skinny jeans? It's like trying to reinvent gravity or something.
M: That is not a thing.
A: YOU DON'T GET TO BE ALL THE THINGS, JEANS.
M: Enjoy my girly boyfriend jeans! I like to pair them with my plain ruffled shirt and my tiny statement necklace.
A: And my platform kitten heels!
(now you.)
A: They make the model's ass look flat as a pancake.
M: Well, her ass probably is flat as a pancake.
A: But good jeans should help! Those do not help.
M: But the crotch. What is HAPPENING.
A: They are supposed to be slouchy skinny jeans? It's like trying to reinvent gravity or something.
M: That is not a thing.
A: YOU DON'T GET TO BE ALL THE THINGS, JEANS.
M: Enjoy my girly boyfriend jeans! I like to pair them with my plain ruffled shirt and my tiny statement necklace.
A: And my platform kitten heels!
(now you.)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
We Are Very Old.
M: Target jumps the shark:
 |
| star print bodysuit |
A: I have three!
M: I am lighting a candle for your...areas.
A: There is nothing quite like a crotchfull of snaps for comfort.
M: Indeed. There is also this, which looks SO well made and nicely cut, doesn't it?
 |
| black jumpsuit |
A: That looks...no. And if there's one thing Target doesn't do well, it's tailored.
M: Who is this Kate Young anyway and why won't she get off my lawn?
A: What, you mean this isn't for you?
 |
| strapless ruffle dress |
A: Back in my day...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Urban Outfitters: No words.
M: I. I just. I think I am offended by this:
A: I generally hesitate to curse on the blog, but what the fuck.
M: It's really bad, right? Like, OFFENSIVE?
But then:
A: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT WHY. SERIOUSLY KIDS I WAS THERE THE FIRST TIME IT WAS BAD I PROMISE.
M: One of these days a 19-year-old is going to flounce by me dressed like Annie Oakley crossed with Pippi Longstocking and I'm not going to have the inner grace to stop myself from tripping her.
A: Which reminds me of an outfit I wore for class photos in fifth grade:
I'm sure it won't be hard to figure out which one I am.
M: Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I love your little self and those glasses! Also, these glasses are "top rated" if you want to recreate the look:
A: That dress is why I hate ruffles so bad now. And glasses. And plaid. And everything else. God.
M: You are like Bershon Junior there.
A: That was a bad year for me, sartorially speaking. And in pretty much every other way.
M: Anyone that truly enjoyed 5th grade is a mystery to me.
A: Liars, is what those people are. Sorry, I didn't mean to make this all about me, more a cautionary tale about trying to replicate the 80s.
M: Well, I can't stop trolling the Urban Outfitters site and now I have convinced myself that I kind of love this tiny harmonica necklace?
I don't even like the harmonica!
A: $45? Dude.
M: Right? I think I have Stockholm Syndrome. Stop me before I end up in a romper.
A: Empty your shopping cart RIGHT NOW DO IT.
M: I am all shaky. I need you to show me something pretty, stat.
A: Ashley tried this on when she came to visit a few weeks ago:
She looked like a million bucks in it and we cried and cried afterwards because they can't be together.
M: Oh, that is just fantastic. And now I'm back where I belong, coveting things I can't afford. Thank you, buddy.
A: Anytime, my friend.
A: I generally hesitate to curse on the blog, but what the fuck.
M: It's really bad, right? Like, OFFENSIVE?
But then:
A: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT WHY. SERIOUSLY KIDS I WAS THERE THE FIRST TIME IT WAS BAD I PROMISE.
M: One of these days a 19-year-old is going to flounce by me dressed like Annie Oakley crossed with Pippi Longstocking and I'm not going to have the inner grace to stop myself from tripping her.
A: Which reminds me of an outfit I wore for class photos in fifth grade:
(click for biggerness.)
I'm sure it won't be hard to figure out which one I am.
M: Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I love your little self and those glasses! Also, these glasses are "top rated" if you want to recreate the look:
A: That dress is why I hate ruffles so bad now. And glasses. And plaid. And everything else. God.
M: You are like Bershon Junior there.
A: That was a bad year for me, sartorially speaking. And in pretty much every other way.
M: Anyone that truly enjoyed 5th grade is a mystery to me.
A: Liars, is what those people are. Sorry, I didn't mean to make this all about me, more a cautionary tale about trying to replicate the 80s.
M: Well, I can't stop trolling the Urban Outfitters site and now I have convinced myself that I kind of love this tiny harmonica necklace?
I don't even like the harmonica!
A: $45? Dude.
M: Right? I think I have Stockholm Syndrome. Stop me before I end up in a romper.
A: Empty your shopping cart RIGHT NOW DO IT.
M: I am all shaky. I need you to show me something pretty, stat.
A: Ashley tried this on when she came to visit a few weeks ago:
  |
She looked like a million bucks in it and we cried and cried afterwards because they can't be together.
M: Oh, that is just fantastic. And now I'm back where I belong, coveting things I can't afford. Thank you, buddy.
A: Anytime, my friend.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Writ of Habeas Shortus.
M: Snort.
A: Oh God! I'm breathless. The ass shot is priceless:
M: Her ass should sue for breach of asscrack or something. I don't even know what that means, but it isn't good.
M: I am not a lawyer. Also, I've had some wine.
A: It makes complete sense to me, which shouldn't be comforting.
M: You should probably get your head checked. I think there are torts involved. Habeas shortus?
A: Snort.
M: I am just saying. I think the Geneva Convention comes in to play. That was a fashion thing, right?
A: I think you're thinking of the G8 Summit.
M: Does that have to do with extra long leather shorts butts? Then yes.
A: This year's G8 Summit is going to be on the following topic: Remember Those Awful Saggy Pocket Shirts? What Was That?
M: I am really itching to hear Silvio Burlesconi's thoughts on the matter.
A: HOW AM I JUST NOTICING THE BAGGY LONG ASS LEATHER SHORTS ARE NEARLY FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS AUIHTAWEBNQIAEGTK;JSDBHk
M: I KNOW RIGHT WHAT THE HELL
A: It's a joke, right? A terrible terrible joke ON HUMANITY. Fortunately, I know a criminal defense lawyer on Twitter. He refused to represent the shorts, but was happy to give an opinion, pro bono:
M: Maybe the Rapture really DID happen? Because those shorts would definitely be Left Behind. Kirk Cameron would see to that.
A: I'm pretty sure Kirk Cameron wore those shorts on Growing Pains.
M: Dude, no way. It was totally Boner in the shorts.
A: You know what? I was going to go there and then I thought, NO DO NOT GO THERE.
And you went there.
M: I kind of live to go there.
M: Also, don't Google "Boner Growing Pains Shorts".
A: OH. YEAH.
M: I would like to take this time to welcome all of our new, perverted readers. Mazel tov!
A: Welcome, perverts! We will mock you! And challenge you via email, so make sure you don't use your WORK EMAIL ADDRESS!
A: PS. Yes, kids, that happened.
M: Take heed! We have no problem publishing the creepazoid emails you send us!
M: P.P.S. The email was about my feet.
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A: Oh God! I'm breathless. The ass shot is priceless:
M: Her ass should sue for breach of asscrack or something. I don't even know what that means, but it isn't good.
M: I am not a lawyer. Also, I've had some wine.
A: It makes complete sense to me, which shouldn't be comforting.
M: You should probably get your head checked. I think there are torts involved. Habeas shortus?
A: Snort.
M: I am just saying. I think the Geneva Convention comes in to play. That was a fashion thing, right?
A: I think you're thinking of the G8 Summit.
M: Does that have to do with extra long leather shorts butts? Then yes.
A: This year's G8 Summit is going to be on the following topic: Remember Those Awful Saggy Pocket Shirts? What Was That?
M: I am really itching to hear Silvio Burlesconi's thoughts on the matter.
A: HOW AM I JUST NOTICING THE BAGGY LONG ASS LEATHER SHORTS ARE NEARLY FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS AUIHTAWEBNQIAEGTK;JSDBHk
M: I KNOW RIGHT WHAT THE HELL
A: It's a joke, right? A terrible terrible joke ON HUMANITY. Fortunately, I know a criminal defense lawyer on Twitter. He refused to represent the shorts, but was happy to give an opinion, pro bono:
@amblus @gregorysheldon Can you please weigh in on what/how many laws are being broken here?
@gregorysheldon From a legal standpoint, this is larceny by false pretenses. They are trying to convince you these are cool and get your money.
@gregorysheldon From a fashion standpoint, the pleats, the price, the name of the color, the material, use of the word exquisite...
@mariannecanada HOW did I miss the name of the color? Spiced Olive sounds like something you're forced to eat as punishment.
@amblus DON'T MAKE ME STOP THIS CAR. FINE, SPICED OLIVE TIME.
@gregorysheldon No, no, no! Not the spiced olives again. I'll be good, I promise!
@mariannecanada "Little Jimmy is constipated again, so I had to force feed him spiced olives last night."
@gregorysheldon I just... wow.
@amblus Gagging.
@mariannecanada Thank you, thank you.
M: Maybe the Rapture really DID happen? Because those shorts would definitely be Left Behind. Kirk Cameron would see to that.
A: I'm pretty sure Kirk Cameron wore those shorts on Growing Pains.
M: Dude, no way. It was totally Boner in the shorts.
A: You know what? I was going to go there and then I thought, NO DO NOT GO THERE.
And you went there.
M: I kind of live to go there.
M: Also, don't Google "Boner Growing Pains Shorts".
A: OH. YEAH.
M: I would like to take this time to welcome all of our new, perverted readers. Mazel tov!
A: Welcome, perverts! We will mock you! And challenge you via email, so make sure you don't use your WORK EMAIL ADDRESS!
A: PS. Yes, kids, that happened.
M: Take heed! We have no problem publishing the creepazoid emails you send us!
M: P.P.S. The email was about my feet.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Adrien: Spring Inspiration. Or...not.
I subscribe to the following: Lucky, Vogue, Harper's Bazaar. I've been less fond of Lucky since the editorial change over, I find Harper's Bazaar pretty but boring as shit to read, and Vogue has the BEST photo editorials but oh my God, the articles are completely ass-kissy. (How am I only just now realizing this?)
So, spring inspiration has been a little hard to come by and I thought maybe a stroll through some stores would help. First I went to Anthropologie and struggled to find anything to try on and I was there for an hour. All adorable, it's just not me anymore. I finally found this and it's so cute on the hanger...
...so tragic on me. I do like it quite a lot, I just wish it actually fit. I also tried on these because YELLOW:
And they are beastly. So uncomfortable. I'd walked through Saks earlier (to get to Anthropologie! I swear.) and wouldn't let myself look too closely at the clothing but oh, the colors were great! Lots of saturated colors and good prints. I also saw this which I don't need at all but I want A LOT:
I also noticed a lot of small, bright crossbody bags:
(Which makes me even happier that I fought so hard to get Saks to deliver on our Percys.)
I did a quick spin through Gap (meh) and then stopped by Banana Republic.
Oh my God.
People? It is TRAGIC UP IN THERE. I want to find the person who greenlighted that mess and punch her (him?) right in the nose. Everything. Is Ruffled. Everything. Also: the color of sadness is the offical BR Palette of Spring. They really don't want me to buy things ever again, I guess. Please observe:
Um.
Seriously, what the crap is this:
There are no words:
This makes me want to DIE:
Now I'm just mad.
So, spring inspiration has been a little hard to come by and I thought maybe a stroll through some stores would help. First I went to Anthropologie and struggled to find anything to try on and I was there for an hour. All adorable, it's just not me anymore. I finally found this and it's so cute on the hanger...
 |
...so tragic on me. I do like it quite a lot, I just wish it actually fit. I also tried on these because YELLOW:
 |
And they are beastly. So uncomfortable. I'd walked through Saks earlier (to get to Anthropologie! I swear.) and wouldn't let myself look too closely at the clothing but oh, the colors were great! Lots of saturated colors and good prints. I also saw this which I don't need at all but I want A LOT:
 |
I also noticed a lot of small, bright crossbody bags:
 |
 |
(Which makes me even happier that I fought so hard to get Saks to deliver on our Percys.)
I did a quick spin through Gap (meh) and then stopped by Banana Republic.
Oh my God.
People? It is TRAGIC UP IN THERE. I want to find the person who greenlighted that mess and punch her (him?) right in the nose. Everything. Is Ruffled. Everything. Also: the color of sadness is the offical BR Palette of Spring. They really don't want me to buy things ever again, I guess. Please observe:
Um.
 |
Seriously, what the crap is this:
 |
There are no words:
 |
This makes me want to DIE:
 |
Now I'm just mad.
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