We Discuss: Shorts Are Hard.

M: I swear suddenly grown ass women with real bodies are recommending Abercrombie of all places. I NEED SHORTS HELP

A: I was literally just looking at shorts online

M: It’s madness out there

M: I had some in my cart at Gap and they are sold out now

A: I am leery of my usual go-to Old Navy because everything is super super duper extra high rise

M: Yeah

A: Not so great for the short-waisted

A: I don’t know if I can handle Abercrombie tho

M: I know

M: I feel like I need to do the shorts version of my denim shirt quest

A: I support this

++++

A: I went to try on shorts. It I did not go well. 

A: These are the Madewell relaxed shorts. They were comical:

M: They don’t look bad! But a little loose in the leg

A: Oh trust, they were not great on me.

M: 😬

A: The pic makes them look ok but they were SO WIDE

M: I think my issue is that to accommodate my ass/hips anything relaxed is going to be stupid wide on my legs. So looking for more of a Bermuda cut because those will be loose on my legs but not insane

A: Yeah, I like my Joe’s Bermuda length. I might try to find another pair.

A: Sadly I think I’m sized out of those 😫

⁠M:  H&M?

M: mAbYe!!!??

M: How I feel:

M: I just don’t think I can get away with shredded tissue paper shorts any more

A: The H&M pair look good

M: Agree

M: I know this will only end in tears but also looking at these:

A: Oh no

M: I know

A: All these 100% cotton shorts tho

M: Yeah I mean, I do like a full cotton jean even though they are a challenge

M: In the meantime, my Camper sneakers arrived:

M: They are perfect

A: Those are SO cute! 

M: So lightweight. 

A: I love them on you. They come in red too! Want. 

+++

M: Verrrrry interested in these.

A: They’re men’s 😂

M: I was about to send that goddammit

M: WHY

A: Haaaa

A: Your curse: All good shorts are men's shorts

M: So rude

A: It is

A: The Internet is now serving me up a variety of men’s shorts

M: Just great

+++

M: Oh good, cotton blend 😒

A: I think I saw those at Nordstrom and they looked thick and heavy

M: Exactly

A: Maybe... these:

M: It's been so long since I tried any bottoms for J.Crew that I am scared.

A: Same, but they look promising?

M: I am curious though.

M: Every year, right on schedule, I wonder if what I really want is a pair of Patagonia baggies

A: I tried on a pair in medium and couldn't get them past my hips so I am mad at Patagonia

M: Reviews definitely say to size up if you have any hips and ass whatsoever

A: sigh

M: This is 100% my inner college kid wishing I was one of those sporty girls

A: My inner college kid just wants leather jackets and Doc Martens

M: Also fair. 

+++

M: Me: I don’t wear chinos. Also me: maybe I wear camo chinos?

A: Those are GOOD! And an actual adult inseam! 

M: Well I ordered them and a million other things because I am broken

A: Excellent

A: I want a full report 

M: Of course

A: I really want to order those J Crew shorts but I am waiting for a discount

M: I’m sure it will be soon

A: I just can’t fathom paying full price on J Crew

M: Hell no

We Discuss: Puffed Sleeves and Sad Sacks.

A: I already know the answer to this but here's the dress:

A: Please excuse my face, I'm sick.

M: Not your dress.

M: It looks huge on you but also just kind of sad.

M: YOU DESERVE BETTER

A: I had such high hopes for it.

A: It’s too big on top - I have narrow shoulders and it’s just a big sad sack.

M: I was in Loft today (which you know) and there was cute stuff for sure.

A: Ah, Loft! this looks good:

M: That is really cute

A: Your sweet new dress comes in a solid pink but it’s not my color:

M: Yeah no

A: I should go shopping in person next week. What an idea! 

M: I love this:

A: That has potential!

***

M: Are you ready to see a garment that made me uncontrollably lol

A: Always

M: This

A: That is…intense

M: I mean wow

A: Anne Shirley approves

M: It’s just everything you don’t want/need in a puffer coat

A: Literally EVERYTHING. Too cropped, too puffy, you can’t put your arms down.

M: Who is this FOR? What occasion? What weather?

A: It is for exactly 59 degrees and sunny and you’re going to some kind of hipster picnic.

M: That said, some very cute tees and sweatshirts at Clare V.

A: I just bought two tops from Madewell that I’m sure will look bad on me so I am set.

M: heh

A: Okay, I do love the tiger sweatshirt:

M: I mean it’s all overpriced

A: And look as this slouchy delight:

A: And this is cute as hell:

A: But. $100 tee? Eh.

M: Yeah. No. 

A: Danger zone! Good bye.

We Discuss: Raincoats and Deli Ham.

M: These model shots are KILLING ME

M: Each is funnier than the last

A: It’s a cute raincoat even if the models want to murder it and us

M: Truly miserable

M: I like the Sea Salt one you linked

M: And the Barbour one

M: Oh here you go

A: WHAT EVEN ARE THOSE PANTS

M: The pink set looks like deli ham

M: Or some kind of fleshy fruit roll up

A: Nothing says rainwear like a ham slice roll up

A: Or, you can go with the black set aka Cheap Garbage Bag

M: Yet somehow actually expensive!

A: Is Fashion. 

PS. Just because I know you're all on the edge of your seat with anticipation, I panic-ordered two Helly Hansen raincoats from Amazon that I'm 90% sure won't fit me:

Cute right? I'll review them when they arrive. No worries that I'm between sizes for HH and they definitely will be too big. All part of the service. Fashion! 

We Discuss: Birks and Tergets

M: I know you aren’t pajamas people but these are $20 and SO good and soffffft:

A: Cute! And leopard! 

M: They are so cozy and cheapppp

M: Is it weird that I like these??

A: Oooooh, not weird! 

M: It’s the only style in the color I want

A: I need to figure out which pair I’m getting this summer.

M: By the way this Target candle is HUGE and great:

M: Big boy. $10! So cheap.

A: Want. I’ve killed my Harry candle already.

M: Very Volcano. There’s a smaller $5 one too.

M: It’s surprisingly big

A: I am tempted! 

M: I am really impressed with this one

M: I appreciate that it’s 3 wick too

A: I’m def going to check it out

A: I like the citrusy stuff for spring

M: Me too!

A: Back to Birks for a sec

M: Okay

A: I might get a pair of Arizona in copper OR the cognac big buckle:

M: I had a weirdly bad experience with the big buckle but I think that was because it was suede

A: Ah, right!

M: They just came unbuckled all the time

A: That shouldn't happen w/ the regular leather

M: Right

A: I’m just trying to find a need-hole

M: I don’t want almond, I don’t want pink, I don’t want cream, I want that nude color and I think the platform is the only one. But it’s fun?

A: It is fun! It’s Fashion Birk

M: Right up my alley

A: These also appeal:

M: I like those but I am ruined for anything thong style

A: I get it, Arizona is king but I also love Gizehs

M: I think everyone has two styles and mine are Arizona first, Madrid a not close second

A: Yes, totally

A: Had to pick up a prescription so....

M: Yesssss

A: I got the last one! 

M: It’s really good. So big!

M: My nude Birks just went on sale, it’s a sign right

A: YES

M: (I definitely already bought them)

A: Good job

M: 😁

M: “I’ll ask for them for my birthday”

A: Hahaha

Monday Mood: We Discuss Balloon Jeans.

M: Kill me: ⁠Do or Don't: Balloon Jeans

A: Hard no. I owned those in 1991 and wore them with a leotard top, a big wide belt and Doc Martens:

M: I would sooner go nude

A: This comment: “I nearly burst into tears when I got that Madewell email." 

M: I guess I’m officially old

A:  I’ve been there for a while, over here with my side part

M: I have a middle part but it has zero to do with the youth

A:  You work with youths though, it rubs off

M: I’ll stick with my boyfriend jeans, thanks

A:  Balloon. Jeans.

A:  As in, you will look like a...

M: Balloon!

A:  And who doesn’t want to look like they’re full of air

M: I can do that myself

A:  

We Discuss: Smells Like One Direction Spirit.

A: So, I bought that Volcano candle dupe at Target that you recommended and also got another one and this is one of the reviews online:

"this is supposed to smell louis william tomlinson and i don’t think i wanna burn it. i knew he would smell amazing i use this to cry bc ik i’ll never meet him. but stream defenseless and also stream walls :) tpwk- all the love a"

M: Oh my GOD

M: One Direction is SOMETHING

A: I KNOW. They really are

M: Wowowow

A: Like, how did this happen? Do you think Target has been planting people to say that certain candles smell like 1D?

M: I bought two of the little yuzu candles so I could have them for my office

M: Office candle is a nice upgrade but I don’t need a big one in here

A: I bought one of the little Sparkling Yuzu and one Cozy Nights aka 1D

M: lolololollll

A: I DIDN’T KNOW

A: But honestly, Louis smells pretty nice

A: Here's another review:

"Did I buy this because a random person on the Internet said it smelled like Louis Tomlinson? Why yes, yes I did. Does it smell like Louis Tomlinson? Why yes, yes it does. Absolute heaven and sun in one"

M: I literally typed in “candle that smells like” and it autofilled Harry Styles

A: random person on the Internet = Target’s marketing department

M: ⁠A Candle That Allegedly Smells Like Harry Styles Is Out of Stock

A: Well, we already knew what Harry smells like because we’re creepy

M: Target seems to be on a roll with these dudes

A: Big Target is raking it in:

"I love Louis, I love this candle. You kill my mind. I love this candle Never been so defenseless. I love this candle. Only for the brave. I love this candle. I got this candle for the first time in October I’ve gotten 4 ever since then. Louis Tomlinson world domination. Stream walls. Thank you Tommy for No control."

M: Wowowowow

A: It just keeps going

M: Can you imagine having that directed at you? overwhelming

A: Ha: 

M: Saw that too

M: Pandering!

A: Totally

+++

M: Louis DOES smell good!

A: It’s nice, right?

M: I haven’t lit it yet but it’s in my stash

A: I found it very cozy without being too wood burny

M: I like to smell it and cry

A: Louuuuuissssss

M: Imagine picking him over Harry, I mean really

A: Kids today, I swear

A: The Harry candle appears to be available at Target again, just FYI

M: Oh dang

A: I know

M: Oh look how cute! 

A: So cute! And it smells like Harry Styles? Sold. 

We Discuss: Need. What Is This Word?

M: When I say Loft is giving away clothes I mean Loft is GIVING AWAY CLOTHES

A: Aw crap. Did you buy anything?

M: I wasn’t going to and then I did because I found a hole in one of my favorite sweaters

A: Show meee

M: K hang on

M: This for $14

A: Oh, that’s so cute!

M: This for $16

A: That is very up my alley

M: This for $8

A: You found some good stuff

M: This for $11

A: Ugh, stop making me want stuff

M: This for $16 to try and replace my holey one

M: This for $16 because it will be good on zoom

A: That is VERY you

M: And this for $22 because I don’t have many things I can wear with leggings and cover my butt

M: 7 things for $100 but did I NEED THEM? No

A: What is “need”

M: Exactly

M: I’m bummed about this sweater though. I’m wearing it here. Just a cheap H&M v-neck but it fit perfectly

A: Aww, that sucks. And look how cute you are in that hotel

M: 😭😭😭

A: I remember hotels

A: Last night I had to talk myself down from an AllSaints leather jacket that wasn’t even really my size but they're having a great sale.

M: Hahahaha

M: Link obviously

A: I think it’s sold out, hang on

M: I bought that faux leather jacket (which is honestly great), wore several times in Seattle, and it’s hung in my closet ever since because of covid

A: Here, this one:

A: Please note, I HAVE a grey leather moto jacket

A: I also have a black one

A: But I was still like…maybe

M: I am saying nothing

A: It’s gone. The moment has passed.

M: 😂

A: Honestly, my favorite things that I already own right now are my new Quince sweaters and my reflective leopard leggings.

A: Not necessarily worn together (though I might, who knows)

M: Heheh

A: The Quarantimes have completely changed how I dress

M: Other than almost never wearing real shoes I feel like I wear the same old shit

A: Here's to a Happy New Year in which we can, like, wear real shoes again! 

We Discuss: Jacket Weather.

A: I have a confession.

M: You stole a pony?

A: I wish.

A: Don’t be mad.

M: Jeez, what??

A: I ordered your Madewell jacket.

M: Haaaaaaaaa

M: Of course!

M: 😂😂😂

M: Why would I be mad.

A: I’m a copycat.

A: Nothing I currently own fits so.

M: It’s a good jacket.

A: It arrived today and it’s cute AF but I’m not sure if the color works on me.

M: Oh yeah I hadn’t thought about the red hair with that russet color.

A: It’s cute, but the color is way different from the website pics.

A: I need to take pics for you. I also think it’s too big.

M: What size did you get.

A: A medium.

M: After much dithering I got a large.

A: By the way, be proud. I just threw away expensive makeup because it looked weird.

M: Hahahaa I am proud!

A: Jacket pics coming your way:

A: And, just for funsies, I tried on my Costco coat from a couple of years back:

A: Womp

M: Okay, I know that Costco coat may feel too small but doesn’t look it. The Madewell coat is too big and I don’t know if that’s your color :/

A: Oh, that Costco jacket is SO SO TIGHT.

A: But yeah, the pics made me realize the Madewell jacket ain't for me. I really hope you love it, though! I think it’s got potential.

M: I hope so too!

A: I wish I could find that Madewell Sezane jacket in a size up. Damn quarantimes.

M: I should just give you mine but I’m sentimentally attached.

A: No, hang on to it. It’s so good.

A: I’ll just get something else as a placeholder - maybe this one:

M: Cute

A: I just need a light, neutral jacket for in-between weather, which is now, apparently

M: Fall sure settled in quick.

A: I am TRYING TO LIKE IT

M: Haha, Order another candle! I want this one:

A: Girl. I just ordered that Amazon candle you told me to get.

***

A: Okay, I just bought a Very Basic olive jacket with the Madewell discount. This one:

M: Good!

A: And sent back the other one.

A: I mean, I actually have a rain jacket so I just needed a fall layer that actually fits my ass.

M: Preach.

A: I don’t even know why I bother, I can literally wrap myself in fleece and nobody will even know.

M: Yeah but might as well get something you’ll wear after this is over.

A: I do go to the grocery store sometimes.

M: Haha

M: Live it up

A: I might go to WEGMANS. So fancy.

M: Put on a formal gown!

A: I should order one, right?

We Discuss: Watermelon Sugar and Shoes of Our Youth.

M: I have a problem to discuss

M: It’s terribly Basic

A: Shoot

M: Well, it’s about Harry Styles

A: oh no

M: Listen

M: It was bound to happen

A: You know who loves Harry Styles?

M: Me?

A: My older sister

M: Haaaa

M: He is genetically engineered to make middle aged ladies feel something

A: Agree, he’s cute as hell

M: I mean I watched that Watermelon Sugar video and literally laughed out loud but

M: I guess it worked

A: I have no knowledge of this video

M: He is just extremely my type 20 years ago

M: Oh girl

M: I’ll wait

M: I insist

M: Go

M: Watch



A: Fine, okay

M: It’s really something

A: Harry Styles is 26 years old which I would like to unknow

M: I mean at least he’s not 19

M: I’m reading a book that is thinly veiled smutty One Direction fanfic so that’s the real problem

A: Hahahaha

M: Anyway it’s called The Idea of You so tell your sister it’s right up her alley

A: So far I’m unmoved by this video

M: Haha it’s just so RIDICULOUS

M: It’s just here you go horn dog old ladies

A: Hahahaa

M: Like, just hang out on the beach, Harry

A: He’s REAL CUTE tho

M: He really is

A: But he knows it

M: Just eat some watermelon

M: Oh for sure

M: But it works

A: I mean, he’s genetically so cute it’s annoying

M: With his pearls and chipped painted nails and FUCKING Peter Pan collars good Christ

A: I would be insane for him if I was 15

A: He gives me Young Johnny Depp feels

M: I can see that

M: He gives me Mick Jagger vibes

M: But like nicer and more charming

A: Definitely less gross

+++

A: What was the white Nike sneaker you we’re talking about?

M: Air Force 1s

M: Why do I like them? I do not know

A: They’re retro! I like them

M: They are unisex and would def be too wide on me

M: I like the idea of them I think

M: Lately I have also been thinking about Tretorns

M: And Tevas

M: So it’s full on high school again

A: Ha! Yep

A: I def had a pair of Tretorns in middle school

M: I saw these in the yellow and was like OH:

M: But I am pretty sure my feet are too narrow to be able to do a toe strap that you can’t adjust

A: I am Not On Board with those Tevas

M: haha

A: I was wearing Doc Martens in high school, you hippie.

+++

A: 

A: 😭

M: Saaaaaad

A: I miss summer with you

M: Me too

M: I miss everything

A: Yeah