We Discuss: Targeted Ads and Perfume. And Birkenstocks. And The Patriarchy.

M: Today in targeted ads: “American Eagle Has My Number” or “Why Do I Want This?”

A: That’s quite fashion forward for AE!

M: They have a lot of cute stuff.

A: I can’t even look

A: Though, I took out some of my winter clothing from storage and walked it right over to my thrift store pile, so maybe I should

M: Hahahaha

A: I keep getting served up $500 boots

A: Correction, $700 boots:

M: Wowza

A: Facebook serves these up to me DAILY

A: Do you think I’m rich, FB? Why the torture?

A: In other expensive shoe news:

A: *Sad puppy noises*

M: Soffft

A: Yeah.

M: Did you??

A: No, I just want them. My toes is code.

M: I wore my furkinstocks to Madewell and Anthro and all the girls lost their minds. Meanwhile my gay husband who works in men’s fashion is threatening to burn them 😂

A: Hahaaaaa

A: They are true man repellers

M: Truly

M: It’s hilarious

M: The patriarchy is threatened

A: You’re doing it right

M: Nothing says “I don’t care if you think I’m attractive” like these shoes

A: 🙌🙌🙌

***

A: Today in targeted ads: "Don't You Want To Smell Like a Celebrity?"

A: It’s Michelle Pfeiffer’s clean line

M: Ah!

A: Or, I might just buy the Le Labo Ambrette 9 which I recently re-discovered via sample

M: Oh yes

A: It’s very clean and soft

M: I recently got a sample of Le Labo Another 13 and I haven’t tried it on yet but it smells really nice

M: I can’t remember if we tried that one

A: We did and you didn’t like it!

A: Heh

M: haha

A: But our noses were broken probably

M: Well yeah

M: I probably won’t like it on

M: But also I am realizing that trying them on paper was probably dumb

A: I thought it smelled masculine

M: Because they warm up on your skin and change

A: Yes

A: I am curious about the Tonka 25

M: Sounds vanilla-y

A: It is described as woody, which I usually like, but vanilla can go either way

M: Try it and report back!

A: Wait, i just texted Kate because she got a bunch of samples recently and confirmed it’s vanilla-y

M: rats

A: I don’t hate vanilla, just not sure it’s my thing

M: I like it but it gets way too sweet on my person

A: Any fragrance that’s too sweet gives me headaches

M: same

A: I am still mad that Jo Malone Nutmeg and Ginger has been discontinued. Jerks.

A: But, the Ambrette 9 is really nice - a good warm clean skin smell, if that makes sense

M: totally

A: Or maybe I will just stick to smelling like Method body wash and ennui

M: 🤷🏻‍♀️

We Discuss: Ads I Was Served On Instagram

M: Today in “ads I was served on Instagram”: hair edition (apparently).

A: Ooh! I'm in.

M: Target has decided I need some hair things. Starting with these leopard barrettes:

M: I don’t really wear barrettes but should I?? These are pretty damn cute.

A: I like them!

M: Up next:

M: What. No. I am not a fortune teller.

M: I have almost black hair, so all tinted shampoo is going to do for me is make a mess in my shower. Lulu would probably love it though.

M: What the hell is this?? It looks like a torture device destined to have to be cut out of my hair while I cry.

A: Nooooo. Hard pass.

M: Another tinted thing that will do zip for my dark hair.

M: I have no idea what this is but I try to avoid silicones in general so...next.

A: But, it’s a MIX, Marianne.

M: Okay the turban hat was too much, but this is really cute. Could be great for a bad hair day.

M: Okay Jesus I am not Miss Cleo this is a lot of turbans.

M: JEEZ OKAY

A: Target REALLY wants to get you into a turban today

M: Target is aggressively pro-turban

M: I do like the barrettes though

A:  I keep getting served up stuff like this:

A: Reasonably okay pants!

A: Oh...$174

M: Sheesh

A: I know

A: Internet underwear:

A: Which, I’m sure is fine but I already have underwear. Also, Tommy John.

M: I just don’t like the name “Tommy John." Stay out of my pants.

A: RIGHT. It’s dude underwear and then they were like, ladies too, I guess.

M: Pass

A: Also, your cute sneakers are served up to me multiple times a day:

M: Oh yeah they won’t give up

A: How about now

M: They are basically the land shark of Instagram ads

A:

M: 

A: 

A: I truly love Land Shark

M: Me too

A: I could watch Land Shark all day

M: Me too let’s do that

A: OKAY

M: After I buy a bunch of turbans

A: I mean, Target says so

M: Goddammit they are not the boss of me

M: Just the barrettes

M: That’s IT

A: