M: Hahaha.
A: Seriously, I tried on a dress at Ann Taylor that was so synthetic it felt like a wetsuit.
M: Ewwwww.
A: And they wanted $150 for it! I had a similar experience at the Gap.
M:What are they smoking? Ann Taylor thinks they are J. Crew now? And J. Crew thinks they are...someone more expensive than J. Crew should be.
A: I know I know! I was just on the J Crew site and this sweater? That I like? $268.
M: WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? Your stores are in the MALL, dude.
A: And then! I was all, "Oh, but this cool t-shirt is only $50." And then I punched myself in the face.
M: That is precisely how they get you. The other day someone on twitter was SHOCKED over some $80 jeans (for only ONE PAIR! they said in an outrage) and I was like...$80 jeans are cheap. And then I set my house on fire.
A: $80 for jeans IS cheap, especially if you're a special thigh flower like me who can't wear pants from the any of the places that sell pants for less than $80. For example, I tried this pair on:
A: And they were too big in the waist and too tight in the calf. IN THE CALF. I ask you.
M: Dumb. Those are dumb.
A: I am definitely better than the Gap but apparently not good enough for J Crew. I quit.
M: The Gap is kind of winning me over these days. I don't know any more.
A: I'll love them again next week, never fear.
M: Those pants are still dumb, though.
A: I also tried on a dress that made me look bulbous.
A: Then I set the store on fire and left.
M: Well that's just sad.
A: But, just when everything feels ridiculous and hopeless, along comes this gem:
M: Well, I hate angora and I don't understand a sweater that gives me lunchlady arms.
A: Can you imagine wearing that? It's my worst nightmare in sweater form.
M: It's the sartorial embodiment of having hair down the back of your shirt.
A: FASHION.
