Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Shopping Disappointment.

A: I went to the mall on my lunch break and tried on Disappointment.

M: Hahaha.

A: Seriously, I tried on a dress at Ann Taylor that was so synthetic it felt like a wetsuit.


M: Ewwwww.

A: And they wanted $150 for it! I had a similar experience at the Gap.

M:What are they smoking? Ann Taylor thinks they are J. Crew now? And J. Crew thinks they are...someone more expensive than J. Crew should be.

A: I know I know! I was just on the J Crew site and this sweater? That I like? $268.



M: WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? Your stores are in the MALL, dude.

A: And then! I was all, "Oh, but this cool t-shirt is only $50." And then I punched myself in the face.

M: That is precisely how they get you. The other day someone on twitter was SHOCKED over some $80 jeans (for only ONE PAIR! they said in an outrage) and I was like...$80 jeans are cheap. And then I set my house on fire.

A: $80 for jeans IS cheap, especially if you're a special thigh flower like me who can't wear pants from the any of the places that sell pants for less than $80. For example, I tried this pair on:



A: And they were too big in the waist and too tight in the calf. IN THE CALF. I ask you.

M: Dumb. Those are dumb.

A: I am definitely better than the Gap but apparently not good enough for J Crew. I quit.

M: The Gap is kind of winning me over these days. I don't know any more.

A: I'll love them again next week, never fear.

M: Those pants are still dumb, though.

A: I also tried on a dress that made me look bulbous.


A: Then I set the store on fire and left.

M: Well that's just sad.

A: But, just when everything feels ridiculous and hopeless, along comes this gem:



M: Well, I hate angora and I don't understand a sweater that gives me lunchlady arms.

A: Can you imagine wearing that? It's my worst nightmare in sweater form.

M: It's the sartorial embodiment of having hair down the back of your shirt.

A: FASHION.

5 comments:

  1. That's a sweater for a baboon, I think. There's no other explanation.

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  2. Every t-shirt or knit cotton cami I have bought from J crew has developed multiple holes within a year of purchase. No thank you, J Crew

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  3. its some sort of ode to Edie Sedgewick gone awry

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  4. Yes! J Crew t-shirts are the worst! I got sucked into two different v-necks 6-mos ago and, after only a few wears, they were more appropriate as dust rags than anything else. Never again, J Crew.

    And what's with the hair under the scarf thing? I thought it was a joke, then I read the comments and realized everyone else seemed to be in on the 'joke.' There are few things I like less than hair under my scarf messing up my collar and my jacket and my sweater and my hair and making me unnecessarily warm. Yuck.

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  5. Thanks for the heads up on J Crew tees. I've just bought one and taken the tags off. Too late to send back now!

    And you two girls are a hoot.

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