Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Shopping Disappointment.

A: I went to the mall on my lunch break and tried on Disappointment.

M: Hahaha.

A: Seriously, I tried on a dress at Ann Taylor that was so synthetic it felt like a wetsuit.

M: Ewwwww.

A: And they wanted $150 for it! I had a similar experience at the Gap.

M:What are they smoking? Ann Taylor thinks they are J. Crew now? And J. Crew thinks they are...someone more expensive than J. Crew should be.

A: I know I know! I was just on the J Crew site and this sweater? That I like? $268.

M: WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? Your stores are in the MALL, dude.

A: And then! I was all, "Oh, but this cool t-shirt is only $50." And then I punched myself in the face.

M: That is precisely how they get you. The other day someone on twitter was SHOCKED over some $80 jeans (for only ONE PAIR! they said in an outrage) and I was like...$80 jeans are cheap. And then I set my house on fire.

A: $80 for jeans IS cheap, especially if you're a special thigh flower like me who can't wear pants from the any of the places that sell pants for less than $80. For example, I tried this pair on:

A: And they were too big in the waist and too tight in the calf. IN THE CALF. I ask you.

M: Dumb. Those are dumb.

A: I am definitely better than the Gap but apparently not good enough for J Crew. I quit.

M: The Gap is kind of winning me over these days. I don't know any more.

A: I'll love them again next week, never fear.

M: Those pants are still dumb, though.

A: I also tried on a dress that made me look bulbous.

A: Then I set the store on fire and left.

M: Well that's just sad.

A: But, just when everything feels ridiculous and hopeless, along comes this gem:

M: Well, I hate angora and I don't understand a sweater that gives me lunchlady arms.

A: Can you imagine wearing that? It's my worst nightmare in sweater form.

M: It's the sartorial embodiment of having hair down the back of your shirt.



  1. That's a sweater for a baboon, I think. There's no other explanation.

  2. Every t-shirt or knit cotton cami I have bought from J crew has developed multiple holes within a year of purchase. No thank you, J Crew

  3. its some sort of ode to Edie Sedgewick gone awry

  4. Yes! J Crew t-shirts are the worst! I got sucked into two different v-necks 6-mos ago and, after only a few wears, they were more appropriate as dust rags than anything else. Never again, J Crew.

    And what's with the hair under the scarf thing? I thought it was a joke, then I read the comments and realized everyone else seemed to be in on the 'joke.' There are few things I like less than hair under my scarf messing up my collar and my jacket and my sweater and my hair and making me unnecessarily warm. Yuck.

  5. Thanks for the heads up on J Crew tees. I've just bought one and taken the tags off. Too late to send back now!

    And you two girls are a hoot.