A Half-Assed Birchbox Review.

I've been meaning to tell you guys about my September Birchbox since, um, September and now my October box has shipped and I haven't even told you about September yet. Terrible blogger. WORST BLOGGER. But I promise that there's a photo in this entry that will make it worth reading. Let's read on, shall we?

Here's a breakdown:

Perlier Body Cream
This was...fine. It's lotion and it's lavender-scented which is not my favorite.

Cynthia Rowley Beauty Eyeliner
I was excited about this until I realized it was silver liner. Not, like, shimmery gray-silver, but SUPER metallic silver-silver. I'm not sure I can pull it off but I should probably give it a try - might be nice in the corners of my eye? Any suggestions?  I do love the packaging.

Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish™ Hot Cloth Cleanser Starter Kit
This was the star of the box. It was a sizeable sample of cleanser and came in a cute blue box with a little muslin wash cloth! It's good stuff - a very good oil-based cream cleanser and unscented, which I really like. The muslin wash cloth has just the right amount of texture to be scrubby without being too harsh. I was pretty happy with this set.

Catherine Malandrino Style de Paris 
Perfume doesn't generally do anything for me, so I haven't bothered to smell it. (I am the worst.)

Dr. Jart+ Pore Minimalist Mask
Oh you guys. This was THE WEIRDEST. I got a package with one mask and it was this flabby, moist black...thing you're supposed to slap up on your face. Then you stand around for a while and let it do it's thing. You will look like this...

and your cat will hiss at you. It felt clammy and slimy and the bottom kept coming un-stuck but my face definitely felt nicer afterwards. When you pull it off you're supposed to massage the remaining serum into your skin and not rinse, but there was a LOT of serum still hanging around, so I blotted a  little. Weird. I don't know that I would bother to buy this but it was a fun experiment FOR SCIENCE. You're welcome.

Even though I don't always like everything in my Birchbox I do really like getting odd little beauty things in the mail every month. If you're so inclined to sign up, this is my referral link.

In Which I Have a Tantrum About Denim.

My favorite pair of straight-leg jeans are a leetle bit tight right now and the weather is not yet cold enough for my standard spandexy-skinny-jeans-and-boots look. This creates a need. A need for a pair of basic dark denim straight legs that actually fit in the waist without having to loop a hair elastic around the button. Hypothetically. 

I went denim shopping and discovered that these days "straight leg" is now just another description for "skinny jeans." I mean, I have a VERY old pair of Citizens of Humanity Ava straight legs and they are straight legs. Not bootcut, not skinny. They are truly straight legs, meaning they do not cling to my calves in any way and can be cuffed. But look! Look at the Avas they're selling now:

Citizens of Humanity Ava

THOSE ARE EFFING SKINNY JEANS. I am looking for something like this pair (but not for this price):

AG Tomboy Straight Leg

I had the following conversation with the sales assistant in the fancy jeans section of Saks:

ME: I'd like to try on some mid-rise straight leg styles in a dark denim wash.

SA: Great! I'll pull some for you.

ME: These are all skinny jeans.

SA: They are straight leg jeans.

ME: But they fit like skinny jeans.

SA: So you want bootcut?

NO. I DO NOT WANT BOOTCUT. I DO NOT WANT MINI BOOTCUT. I DO NOT WANT SKINNY BOOTCUT. I want STRAIGHT LEG jeans that do not have so much stretch that I could shoehorn myself into a size 24 if I really took the time. I tried on this pair of 7FAMK (my go-to fancy brand) and they were so awful I almost cried:

7 For All Mankind Modern Straight Leg Jeans

They looked okay... and then I tried them on. They were obnoxiously stretchy and skin tight at the top, giving me immediate muffin-top while simultaneously attempting to creep down my ass. They remained skin tight until they hit ankle where they sort of...deflated sadly into a puddle of stretch denim. Rage! Modern Straight Leg? NO. THEY ARE GD SKINNY JEANS. Calling them "modern" doesn't change a thing.

So, I guess what happened is that jeggings became the new skinny jean and skinny became the new straight leg and if you want anything that isn't fitted to your calf you're basically in Bootcutville or you have to buy saggy-crotched "boyfriend" jeans? I hate everything.

To conclude: I decided I should just stop eating anything fun so that my favorite jeans will fit again. Haha just kidding. No, instead, I ordered these Gap jeans sight-unseen and they arrived and they are GOOD:

1969 real straight jeans

They are a true straight leg, the wash is plain, the rise is mid, the fit is great. And! I got them with a code for under $50. I am appeased and will stop throwing a tantrum for now.

Weekend Window Shopping: Urban Outfitters Shoe Sale.

Lili pointed out that all the shoes on Urban Outfitters are 25% off until Monday! I mean, ALL THE SHOES. Twelve pages of shoes, you guys. Fryes and Vans and Hasbeens and SO MANY BOOTS. Also stuff like...this. Wow. Okay! Here's what I made squeaky dolphin noises over:

Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Low-Top Sneaker

Sam Edelman Petty Boot

Swedish Hasbeens Sky High T-Strap Heel

Silence + Noise Pull-On Leather Ankle Boot

Frye Phillip Ankle Boot

Frye Melissa Riding Boot

Gentle Souls Best Of Buckle Moto Suede Boot

Vans Vintage Suede Classic Slip-On Sneaker

Friday #GoHugo

Idris Elba would like to punch cancer RIGHT IN THE FACE. Aw yeah.

BUY THIS (So We Don't Have To): J.Crew Final Sale Jewelry.

J.Crew loooves to give an extra % off code on their final sale stuff which is great if you're confident about store sizing. I'm not, so instead I always check out the jewelry. Right now "select" items of final sale stuff are an extra 30% off with code FALLSTYLES. You can also get 2.0% back with eBates (that's my referral link but don't let that stop you.) Here's what I think is freaking adorable:

Celestial earrings

Star cluster bangle

Star cluster necklace

Pavé arrow earrings

A Little Help?

source: The Sartorialist

source: The Sartorialist

A: Somewhere there's a basketball team wearing Louboutins and midi skirts?

L: It's like Fashion Plates that a rotten little boy got hold of and started making unholy combination out of.

A: YES. By God, yes.

L: "I know! I know! I know! I'm gonna put shower shoes on this fancy dress lady!" -every 8 year old boy ever.

A: One of these things is not like the other, one of these things doesn't belong...

L: They're totally different! They're not the same!

Adrien: Stripes and Stuff.

This is a pretty casual outfit for work but everyone is out at conferences and the like so I took advantage of that.  Nothing groundbreaking here, just proof that you can be comfortable and still look put-together (which is usually my goal):

My striped shirt is, of course, Banana Republic and I'm wearing J.Crew twill utility pants which are REAL on sale right now. My red mary janes are Chie Mihara and they're seriously old, but this pair is super crazy cute. 

I'm carrying my trusty old MBMJ Hillier hobo and wearing the world's most annoying J.Crew locket necklace. (I love it but the chain kinks like crazy. Get this one instead.)

I do love a pair of red shoes almost more than anything.