Monday, October 6, 2014

In Which I Have a Tantrum About Denim.

My favorite pair of straight-leg jeans are a leetle bit tight right now and the weather is not yet cold enough for my standard spandexy-skinny-jeans-and-boots look. This creates a need. A need for a pair of basic dark denim straight legs that actually fit in the waist without having to loop a hair elastic around the button. Hypothetically. 

I went denim shopping and discovered that these days "straight leg" is now just another description for "skinny jeans." I mean, I have a VERY old pair of Citizens of Humanity Ava straight legs and they are straight legs. Not bootcut, not skinny. They are truly straight legs, meaning they do not cling to my calves in any way and can be cuffed. But look! Look at the Avas they're selling now:

Citizens of Humanity Ava
THOSE ARE EFFING SKINNY JEANS. I am looking for something like this pair (but not for this price):

AG Tomboy Straight Leg

I had the following conversation with the sales assistant in the fancy jeans section of Saks:

ME: I'd like to try on some mid-rise straight leg styles in a dark denim wash.

SA: Great! I'll pull some for you.

ME: These are all skinny jeans.

SA: They are straight leg jeans.

ME: But they fit like skinny jeans.

SA: So you want bootcut?

NO. I DO NOT WANT BOOTCUT. I DO NOT WANT MINI BOOTCUT. I DO NOT WANT SKINNY BOOTCUT. I want STRAIGHT LEG jeans that do not have so much stretch that I could shoehorn myself into a size 24 if I really took the time. I tried on this pair of 7FAMK (my go-to fancy brand) and they were so awful I almost cried:

7 For All Mankind Modern Straight Leg Jeans
They looked okay... and then I tried them on. They were obnoxiously stretchy and skin tight at the top, giving me immediate muffin-top while simultaneously attempting to creep down my ass. They remained skin tight until they hit ankle where they sort of...deflated sadly into a puddle of stretch denim. Rage! Modern Straight Leg? NO. THEY ARE GD SKINNY JEANS. Calling them "modern" doesn't change a thing.

So, I guess what happened is that jeggings became the new skinny jean and skinny became the new straight leg and if you want anything that isn't fitted to your calf you're basically in Bootcutville or you have to buy saggy-crotched "boyfriend" jeans? I hate everything.

To conclude: I decided I should just stop eating anything fun so that my favorite jeans will fit again. Haha just kidding. No, instead, I ordered these Gap jeans sight-unseen and they arrived and they are GOOD:

1969 real straight jeans

They are a true straight leg, the wash is plain, the rise is mid, the fit is great. And! I got them with a code for under $50. I am appeased and will stop throwing a tantrum for now.


24 comments:

  1. My jeans all fit me strangely - too loose or too tight and I've been living in my Loft skinny ankle zip pants because at least they fit okay. I'll have to stop by Gap and try these on.

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  2. I would shop for a bathing suit over jeans ANY DAY.

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  3. That first pair has some really weird crotch photoshopping.

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  4. My problem is the opposite, I buy "skinny" jeans and I feel like they're too loose in the calf and ankle!

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    1. Me too! When I want skinny jeans I want, like, Joey Ramone circa 1978 skinny jeans. I want jeans where you have to do a ballerina foot to put them on. I want there to be absolutely no room at all in the ankle at all, because I my calves are such that even the slightest amount of ankle room makes me look like I have cankles. I NEED the tapering that comes with a truly skinny jean and am always super disappointed when I try on a pair that make my ankles look like sausage links.

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  5. I like those GAP jeans too! If you are still looking, try Madewell's Rail Straight jeans. I like Oceanside Wash, available sizes come and go, they may have too much stretch for you given what you wrote, but I personally like the amount of stretch in them. There are lots of other washes in the Rail Straight, too.

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  6. I think what you want is now called, "slim boyfriend." I like the "baggy as heck boyfriend," so the slim ones cause my tantrums, but I think they will make you happy!

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    1. I cannot keep up with denim terminology. It's exhausting.

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  7. As I was reading this, my head was screaming "Get the to a GAP! (or Old Navy). I bought these same jeans two months ago from the GAP and LOVE them. While at Old Navy a few weekends ago, I realized they have an almost identical pair for $20-ish. They weren't on the Wall Of Skinny Jeans, but instead were hanging on a rack.

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    1. Yes! The Gap jeans are good, aren't they? I've never had a pair of anything from ON fit me, but I might have to take a look.

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  8. I looove my Gap "Real Straight" jeans. They are, indeed, real straight. They actually fit properly! I have huge calves and skinny thighs, so skinny jeans are just unfortunate-looking on me. Ugh.

    Straight-leg jeans are my life.

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  9. I was the same as Sarah, in my head screaming, "Gap Real Straight!" I bought a pair last year in dark wash and they're fine but this season they fit even better and I bought two more pairs! Hooray for REAL STRAIGHT JEANS!

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  10. Lee jeans have straight leg jeans found at Kohl's.

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

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  11. Same tantrum here. I loved the J.Crew matchstick until my last two pairs tore holes in the crotch (lovely) within months. I just ordered pull-on Jag jeans from zappos, will report back!

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    1. What the Hell with J. Crew and crotch holes?! My last 2 pair, one black twill (I think) for work and another khaki - both with crotch holes within months and they were not worn daily or even weekly. I didn't gain weight - and I know I didn't buy them a size too small. I was pissed.

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  12. Was preparing to recommend Gap before I got to the final photo! Real straight have been my faves for the last few years.

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  13. Srsly - word. This has been my own trauma with shopping for jeans as well. I can't understand why there are no straight-leg jeans in the store. To you know. TRY ON. I can't understand why this trend has continued for. So. Long.

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  14. I love the Real Straights, too! We are so norm-core with our love of the straight legs!

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    1. I know, I know. But sometimes you just want your jeans to be jeans, right?

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  15. OK, I have been eyeing the Gap jeans. So now I will try them on. I hate jeans shopping.

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  16. Loft also has some straight-legs, but there they have the opposite problem: Their "skinny" jeans are actually closer to straight leg, and the straight leg is slightly bigger (while still not being bootcut). This is fine with me, because I despise skinny jeans with a burning passion, but yeah.

    My personal tantrum about denim is all the horrible whiskering. I don't want white arrows pointing at my crotch/making my thighs look wider than they are, thankyouverymuch, but it's virtually impossible to find jeans that aren't super duper dark or black without them. And sometimes even the really dark/black/colored jeans have them. Usually in the only brands I can find that fit reasonably well.

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  17. This is the funniest thing I've read all week!! I share your misery re current jean terminology, btw (slim bootcut, skinny boyfriend, pajama jeans or whatever bs term du jour the fashion types have invented in the past hour). Glad you managed to find a decent pair in the end and for $50! I can't think of a better eff you to the "premium denim" industry.

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  18. I know I'm late to the comments but I'd like to know what you all wear with your straight leg jeans! Because that really stumps me. I can wear heels and ballet flats with both bootcuts (in the old days) and skinnies, but can't figure out what I'd ever wear with straight legs. ~Anon. L

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