Wow! The SHobbit posted this morning that he's looking for an assistant and we both got really excited. Then Marianne and I read the job description and were both like, "...Huh. That doesn't seem very accurate."
So, because we're super go-getter types, we decided to rewrite it for him. Because that shows gumption, right? Here's the original version. Now, here's our much more awesome version (our additions are in red text):
The SHobbit studio is seeking a full-time personal assistant for Scott Schuman. Candidates should be a size zero and able to reach the top shelf of my closet. I have sweaters up there, I think.
-Handle all email communications on behalf of Scott Schuman. I'm like, rilly, rilly popular
-Schedule appointments, interviews, conference calls, and meetings but not with other bloggers, ew
-Manage extensive domestic and foreign travel arrangements, including Fashion Week travel and show requests but please don't think you're going with me. Plebe
-Liaise with accountant on studio financials and invoices. I make a lot of money and am pretty good at The Sex
-Prioritize and manage multiple projects simultaneously; get used to being yelled at in rage
-Oversee projects from inception to completion, especially if project involves heights
-Manage imagery and inventory of short pants
-Maintain photographic equipment on high shelves
-Miscellaneous studio organization from waist-height up
This position also offers the opportunity to become involved in digital advertising, but not involving magazines, I mean PLEASE. Experience with a bunch of techy stuff I think makes me sounds smart will be viewed as an asset.
-Extremely organized and quick learner, ability to hem pants
-Be a size zero and at least 6' tall
-Really, just be a model
-Seriously. And don't wear yoga pants. Or denim shorts for the love of god
-Previous experience as an assistant or in the fashion industry is not required, but is highly valued especially if you worked for someone I'm completely jealous of, like Tavi
The SHobbit offers competitive compensation in the form of tiny wine glasses, backhanded compliments, and shoe lifts. Candidates MUST be based in New York.