Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Scout's Honor

image: The Sartorialist

A: This is quite the scrolldown horror, isn't it?

M: Ooh, cute hat, I want all of her bracelets WAIT.

A: It's all so good and retro and detaily and then WOP WOP WOOOOOP.

M: I think she's been watching too many LMFAO videos. It starts with the shoes, next think you know, neon leopard print spandex.

A: Or maybe she just did that thing where you get dressed all cute and save your shoes for last because it's easier to run around the house in grungy sneakers and then oops.

M: I don't care how comfortable those shoes are. NO.

A: Seriously, why ruin an otherwise adorable outfit with big ole white tennies? A hot pair of heels would've made that outfit perfect.

M: It's so cozy otherwise, though I am not loving the Nurse Ratched tights.

A: I think the tights could work with the right shoes, and by "right shoes" I do not mean DINGY WHITE TENNIES.

M: Maaaaybe. A cognac riding boot. Maybe.

A: You have boots on the brain.

M: You say that like it's wrong.

A: Bitch, you know I love boots. BOOTS FOR EVERYONE. ESPECIALLY THAT GIRL.

God, those sneakers are killing me.

M: They are genuinely hurting my feelings. Maybe I need therapy.

A: I have a hard time with sneakers. I'll just come out and say that. I'm that girl.

M: I am with you. They are fine for the gym and, I don't know...yard work? I don't do yard work, but that seems like a sneaker situation.

A: Even when I buy cool sneakers I can't seem to do it. Maybe I'm buy the wrong thing. She definitely did.

M: I feel like she bought those laces special.

A: I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg wore those in Jumpin' Jack Flash. GOD. WHAT THE HELL.

M: I have moved through the stages of grief and landed on ANGER. WHY?

A: I'm still in the denial stage. MAYBE SOMEONE STOLE HER REAL SHOES.

M: THAT CAN BE THE ONLY EXPLANATION. Alternately, blunt force head trauma.

A: She does look a little confused.

M: "Vat is dis liddle troll do-ink?"

A: Is she holding the SHobbit's camera bag?

M: God, I hope so.

A: Why? Because otherwise that's her purse?

M: Or her lunch. But mostly, I love picturing him making her hold his bag for him.

A: But she's suffering from a head injury! He should take her to the hospital.

M: He'll probably keep her around to reach things out of his grasp. Like elevator buttons and light switches.

A: Well, at least she's equipped to run away when she regains her senses.

M: So she's just prepared, that's all.

A: Concussed, but prepared. Like a Boy Scout!


  1. Good god you are not joking about the scroll down horror! Her choice of shoes (and tights) is incomprehensible.

  2. "I actually like the sneakers on the bottom. Same colour as tights so lengthens her leg." Best comment. And no.

  3. If the bag is leather, it's gorgeous. If it's nylon, she should be beaten with those sneakers.

  4. hilarious! this is exactly the kind of conversations i have with my friends. where do y'all live, because we should hang out.

  5. Dear lord, I just about died laughing. This was 100% true. Boots, oxfords, heels, a dozen different ways to finish that look. Sneakers, nope, sorry.

    Every now and then I see actually cool sneakers and think colorful sneakers would be fun, but I know I would truly never wear them. And while some sneakers are cool, the pair in that picture should be burned.

  6. I'm pretty sure those sneaks are in the "dancing feet" montage at the beginning of Footloose.

  7. OG Footloose, not the recent abomination of which we shall not speak.