Monday, June 2, 2014

So Fetch.

M: Shopping for bathing suits:

Seriously, J.Crew?

A: What in THE HELL.

M: What? I’m casual.

A: It looks like a pro cyclist’s skinsuit. THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT.

M: Sporty. Is this better?

A: “Does this make my camel toe look big?"

M: Stop trying to make camel toe happen, Gretchen.

A: Cynthia Rowley has no business designing wetsuits.

M: Who is buying these??

A: Dummies. And Gwyneth.

M: She was seriously my first thought. Surfing in Bali or Thailand or some shit.

A: I hate her.

M: She’s probably eating papaya off a cabana boy right now. In her awful wetsuit. And she isn’t even enjoying it.

A: He thinks her camel toe is hot.

M: She’s like I invented camel toe, it’s organic.

A: Her camel toe is locally sourced and gluten-free. (Sorry, gag break.)

M: Macrobiotic. It’s local all right. Reeeeeaaaal local.


M: Well that’s just gross. I have to go to bed now.

A: Me too. I officially grossed myself out.

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