Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Goop, Translated.

L: I hardly ever pay attention to Goop, but her vagina steaming made me look. Let's play a guessing game about what each one of these things actually is:

A: Sex Bark: Organic fair-trade bark from a Mongolian tree that when chewed provides a 'transcendent coupling experience."

L: Moon Juice: Full-body, replenishing nature elixir which will bring your female form back into spiritual alignment when its your lady time. Made from responsibly harvested baby placentas.

A: Spirit Truffles: The ghosts of European truffle hogs are resurrected to sniff out phantom truffles which are served as an artisnal ectoplasmic foam atop a shot of wheatgrass juice.

L: I am guessing we are 100% correct.

A: I think it's pretty nice of us to translate this for all our readers. Goopy kind of sucks at explaining things the right way.

L: Words are our gift.

A: Namaste.


  1. LMAO, you guys are right on point.

  2. LOL. I know, it's inane as a comment, but that's what happened. Too clever, well done :)

  3. So this is what the Trufflebutter song is all about.

  4. The answer can be found, at least in part, through a study of the early church ecumenical councils.
    Jesus incarnates into a very cosmopolitan online translation environment. His public teachings are simple and straightforward. However, after his crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension, his followers find themselves in a defensive position.