Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Gwyneth. She's Just Like Us.

A: Gwyneth Paltrow steams her junk.

L: Maybe it was wrinkly?

A: The stars! They're just like us!

L: There's one Korean spa I have gone to in Koreatown where they force you to be naked (ladies only). They have a chair that they fill with herbs. They also make uterine cleanliness promises. I don't think they know it doesn't work that way.

A: I thought this was just an LA thing. Ladies there seem to like to bleach and steam their parts and pay lots of money for the privilege. Maybe I should move to California and offer to braise their bits. That will be one thousand American dollars, pls.

L: I want to know who it is they're trying to bleach and dewrinkle for. I assume it's men who've never seen what real women look like.

A: I really want to stop thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow's wrinkly vagina now. Thank you. Please.

L: They probably use eucalyptus.

A: People are going to find this by googling "Gwyneth Paltrow vagina." Bad people.

L: Maybe add in some ginger root? Ginger vagina.

A: This is a recipe for vagina tea.

L: Probably should add some lemon.

A: And comfrey?

L: Now let's not get silly.

A: *weeping quietly*


  1. I can't imagine a person who has more money and less sense combined with a tenous grasp on reality. Also, she must be trolling. Right? She has to be, GOOP can't be real.

  2. I'm all for an infrared spa (quite healing), but there's only so much I'm willing to do for health!

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

  3. Every time I think "you know, youngprof, you shouldn't be such a judgmental bitch", I read something from GOOP and then, bam, back to my critical ways.

  4. I really do think she's kinda punking us.

    1. I think she says the most outlandish things she can think of and hawks the silliest things ever just so she can track her own personal influence and feel special.

  5. Every time that I feel open minded and tollerant and a woman of the world in general, comes someone who either bleaches this or steams that or reduces what other steams (yes, I'm sorry) and I go back to being a narrow minded bigot. Really? Do we really need to hear about the celebrities' buttholes and other holes? I'd rather not. The thought of Gwyneth munching on an organic kale while planning her next steaming appointment is a wee bit too much.


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