A: Oh boy.
M: Okay so. I've been at the beach and I came back to the apparent desert because it never rains here.
A: All the rain is here, my hair is a derptastrophe.
M: ANYWAY my skin is rulllllll dry. It's trying to annex itself from my body.
M: Like Texas.
A: Please stay! What did you doooo.
M: So I have this sample of La Mer.
A: Um, girl.
M: My skin likes it a lot.
A: Well, of course.
M: But PLOT TWIST buying La Mer was not what I did.
A: Oh shit.
M: I went on the innernet and read about La Mer...
A: This won't end well.
M: And everyone but J Lo was like nooooo not worth it.
M: Some people were like you know what you should try instead?
A: JLo uses La Mer like I use Aveeno lotion.
M: Don't get distracted.
A: Sorry! Continue.
M: Instead, you should by this Creme Ancienne from Fresh.
M: That is made in a monastery.
M: Maybe by monks?
A: This cannot be a thing.
M: IT'S ANCIENT CREAM IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME.
A: IF IT'S SO OLD WHY WOULD YOU PUT IT ON YOUR FACE.
M: Like they pack it up with their little monk hands?
M: Maybe I confuse monks with Oompa Loompas.
A: Here is what I imagine:
Fresh: Hey monks! Can we bottle this creme in your monastery?
Monks: Um. Well…
Fresh: Wait! Can YOU bottle this creme?
Monks: …I guess?
M: I think it's probably more like:
Fresh: Hey monks! Can we buy your monastery and turn it into a factory?
M: JUST READ THE DESCRIPTION.
A: Dare I ask how much this monk creme (ew) costs?
M: You do not.
M: I did not buy the big size?
M: I'm not proud.
A: But, uh, let me know if it works.
A: Monk hands up in your creme!
M: I'm sure gladiators had great skin.
A: Soft like whipped cream
M: I bet J Lo would have been an emperor.
A: Is she not already?
A: And seriously, let me know if it works.
M: Oh I will.