We Watched This Dumb Holiday Movie So You Don't Have To.

Hey, so remember last year when Marianne and I documented the delightful Spirit of Christmas? (Part One and Two if you have the free time.) This year since we're both obsessed with the royal engagement I suggested we watch A Christmas Prince. We watched it together and texted each other our thoughts and oh my God, you guys. Literally watch anything else. Like, anything else. Or just read our completely nonsensical convo:

M: I AM READY TO BECOME A PRINCESS

A: OKAY LETS DO THIS

A: It's starting

M: Festive af

A: It looks like it was made in the 80s

M: What even is this font. And fake snow.

A: Comic Christmas Sans

M: Oh, Amber

M: THE PATRIARCHY

A: YES

M: I wish this movie was Amber destroying the fucking patriarchy but I think she’s gonna marry a prince

A: Aldovia?

M: Aldovia = fake country

A: She's never smashing anything

A: I just drooled through the major plot point

M: Seriously I’m already like wha

A: Prince Terrible Beard

M: Prince Derpface

A: He's no Harry

M: She’s no Meghan

A: NEWP

M: Ooh pie

M: I want pie

A: I'd kill for pie

A: Like, lemon pie

A: Or Apple

M: Chess pie

A: Fuck

M: Fuckkkkk

M: Wait I missed the plot again

M: She has to go to Aldovia??

M: She has to GO there

A: Duh

M: This is just like the inn

A: How can she bang Prince Derpface otherwise?

M: I guess I thought they would meet cute in the big City

M: That’s prince Derpface under cover of terrible beard

A: Derp just took her cab

M: Hahaha

A: Haha

M: Aldovia is in Colorado

A: Yeeeeah

M: Or like New Hampshire

A: Disney castle!

M: That’s pretty

M: Do they have pie?

A: It doesn't suck

A: They have mini pies

M: Sigh

A: Prince Richard is snorting coke off a hooker. J/K

M: I like the way that guy says shedule

A: Shedddduuuel

M: Amber in her Converse

A: Hatching a plotface

M: Just a regular girl

A: Wow, She just walked in.

M: Slip right into a fucking castle sure

M: Take off your press pass honey

A: Slack security in Aldovia, CO

M: Princess Emily? Who dat

A: Prince Derp’s little sister

M: I reckon

A: Amber is her tutor now because sure

M: Emily sounds fun

A: Gross beard, Prince Derp

A: OH COME ON

M: TINY TIM!

A: I CANNOT

M: I guarantee you she’s an able bodied kid. That bugs.

A: She's basically channeling Veruca Salt

M: Emily = Veruca Salt

M: Oh damn!

A: I love you

M: Same

M: Who put a vase there on a post.

A: The royal family is a bunch of jerks

M: For real

M: Converse. Seriously

A: I want Amber's clothes to be...

M: Better

A: Yes. Just that.

A: God, this is deadly

A: POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL

M: GOOD GRIEF

M: Btw that kid is perfectly able bodied. If your going to pull the disability card try using an actual disabled actor ffs

A: Agree. It's lazy bullshit

M: Prince Derp. He’s no sexy ghost

A: No, he's basic

M: Amber what are you wearing

M: HARF

A: It's like Gap circa 1997

M: So bad

M: So Cousin Simon wants the throne

M: This “plot” is rough

A: This movie is rough

A: PATRIARCY

A: Emily feels that shit

M: Emily is woke

A: Veruca Salt is gonna Lemonade that shit



M: Amber girl what’s happening with your cardigan

A: It's painful, her clothes

A: Wait, what gathering is this?

M: Is this just every night

A: Ha

M: Like Downton Abbey?

A: I wonder what's hiding in the secret giant acorn ornament?

A: I'll bet Amber will clumsy it open

M: A ring

M: And he will give it to her Christmas Eve

A: Of course

A: And then turn into a ghost?

M: This is JUST like the ghost. No real job would send you somewhere for this long. It would be a 48 hour junket

A: I mean, Amber’s just living there now?

M: Ooooookay

A: Oh fuck

M: Oooooh snap

A: Princess Emily is the smartest person in this movie

M: Emily for Queen

A: 100%

M: We came around on Emily right quick

M: Ooh that kitchen

A: Magical Disney castle kitchen

M: It’s like the kitchen at the Biltmore

M: Don’t cry tiny Tim!

M: (I’m going to hell)

A: Amber, stop speaking in cliches

M: I cannot get it up for Prince Richard

A: He looks like a Sound of Music Nazi

M: YES

A: No sparkle, all hair gel

A: They're worried about who will rule the country? Is there no actual government in Aldovia?

M: I guess not

A: Ooh, a ball

M: Is the coronation ball ON Christmas

M: Of course it is

A: Duh

A: Welcome to Aldovia.

M: They should have put Emily in a pussy hat

A: Give that kid a yellow dress and a bat

M: Sledding! They gonna die

A: Prince Derp gonna be mad. Von Trapp mad.

A: Or not

M: Oh of course it’s time for a snowball fight

M: He is Not Cute

A: This is very Wham! video

M: Haaaa

M: Last Christmas you had a beard
Then the very next day, you shaved it away

A: HAAAAAAA

A: WTF is that saddle

M: That horse is serving lewks

A: Also, he can't ride

M: That’s not him

A: Newp

M: Stunt rider

A: x2

M: It’s cool I was raised in a NYC diner but I can ride

A: Ha, wow

M: Welp

A: Surprise, Amber sucks at horsing

M: Are there...wolves

A: YAS. EATEN BY WOLVES

M: Is this beauty and the beast?!

A: now we're talking

M: She just sat down

A: Derp saves the day

M: Where are they??

A: Derp' secret Nazi lair

A: Or, the King's hunting cabin

M: Pooooooor baby

A: Why is she still there? It's been weeks.

M: Years

A: She brought her entire Gap wardrobe.

M: Could they not hire an attractive man

M: I am so confused

A: He's so bland

A: Interrupted Kiss

A: Sans chemistry

M: She’s pretty bland herself

A: Secret drawer, don't care

A: I can't even remember why Derp doesn't want to be King.

M: Me neither

M: This adoption storyline?

A: Legit Aldovia birther story

M: Lolll

M: Gurrrrllll

A: Lord

A: It's like his features all belong to different faces.

M: Like someone cut and pasted him

M: Does anyone really call their dad pop

A: Fake Aldovia calling fake NY

M: Everyone is in Toronto

A: YES

M: I think they were trying to cast a Prince William

A: Oh, they failed so bad

M: She literally packed an entire Old Navy

M: Do castles get into Christmas lights like this

A: Do they not have conditioner in Aldovia

A: It's a Disney castle

A: That kiss

M: 🙄

M: Richard, leave it all behind, sell your story, write a book

A: Did he really let that priceless Friesian stallion wander off again?

M: Seriously that horse is more expensive than anything in this movie

A: He's so ODD looking

M: It’s like he’s made of silly putty

M: Emily ILU

A: Fun fact: Martha Stewart has Friesians

A: Tiny Tim, keep fighting!

M: God bless us everyone!

A: Emily went to Pandora!

M: Every kiss begins with Kay

A: Ah, Amber’s makeover begins

M: Of course

M: She looks like Amy Adams now

A: He still looks like a Von Trapp Nazi

A: *sigh*

M: Both basic

M: He is tall. That’s nice.

A: I'm trying to care about what happens

M: I literally just forgot to watch for a minute

A: You didn't miss anything

A: Why again is he taking the crown during the Xmas ball?

M: They seriously have a microphone

M: Like he’s prom queen

A: It's all so embarrassing

A: This is dumb

A: Nobody is a ghost?

M: This is un fun

M: The opposite of what I want in a cheesy Christmas movie

A: It's bleak

A: Aldovia's airport looks like a bus station

M: Why does she have that poem still

M: Oh the acorn

A: The ACORN I TOLE YOU

A: Nobody curr about the political stuff

M: This is so borinnnnngk

A: Acorn time

M: The acorn has to go off in the final act

A: I mean, wooden acorn with a secret

M: This is not ever how this shit goes down

A: Yaaaawwwwn

M: His stupid knee pillow

A: Oh, the king amended the law. Then stuck it in a giant acorn. Riveting stuff.

M: 🙄🙄🙄

A: Words words words

M: Derp crown

A: KING OF THE DERPS

M: Alderpia

A: Why did I not think of that?

M: You’re slipping

A: The hard bitten editor ain't happy. Amber quits!

A: Oh, she's going to write a blog. Cool.

M: Counting down to the prince arrival

A: ITS CALLED AMBER’S BLOG

M: Clever

A: Sharp, our Amber.

M: Less than five minutes to Derp

A: There he is

M: Looking like a bowl of mashed potatoes

A: A king. Just hanging out on a completely deserted Manhattan street. On NYE.

M: Toronto

A: ALL THAT PARKING

M: Casual

M: Oh god

A: Oh god

M: He went to Jared

A: But...my career

A: Honey.

M: “Career”

M: You can blog from the palace dear

A: Amber's Blog

A: Haaaaaa

A: That hideous ring!

M: What the fuck is that ring

A: JARED

A: Oh thank god it's over.

M: Well that was terrible

M: Not even funny

A: It was no Christmas ghost

M: 😒

A: I'm sorry

M: Oh it was still fun to watch with you

We Discuss Tounching and Sequins.

M:

A: That's so fun!

M: I don’t think it’s the most flattering thing ever.

M: But sequins.

M: My kids are obsessed.

A: Where's it from?

M: Um

M: JCPenney

A: Hahaaaa

M: Tracee Ellis Ross line:

A: Oh! So nice.

M: It’s great on that moddle.

A: I want it to be shorter but I think it's really fun.

M: I think on me shorter would be better. But I was getting it for a party this weekend and won’t have time to have it taken up so should prob return.

A: Booo

M: I bought it in the next size up which maybe fit better on the bottom but not the top and it was even longer.

M: Plus my legs and arms that contacted the sequins are already stinging.

M: Very...exfoliating

A: Yeah, it looks itchy.

M: Part of me is like it’s a $50 sequined dress and you should hang onto it but part of me is broke.

A: Even for $50 you should love it and feel happy in it.

A: I love the idea of it.

M: I do think it would be better shorter:

A: You know what? I think it's really cute on you.

M: Yes, but heels would help.

A: Try it on with heels.

M: I did. It helped but it’s still long.

A: Hmm

M: Maybe I run it by my seamstress and see if she can shorten it by Saturday.

A: Midi is hard.

M: If she can’t I let it go.

A: But, I really think it's kinda fabulous.

M: Normally I’m all about a midi but this one is a lot.

My dress is already done! And whoops that hem cost $40. Sequins man.

A: Whoops

A: But yay

M: Well all told it’s a good party dress for under $100 that I can pull out every year.

A: Definitely.

A: Oh, it’s great!

M: It’s very fun

A: Super fun party dress

M: The only problem is people will want to tounch it:

A: No tounching!

M: Irresistible

M: It’s like 13% back Ebates too.

A: Oh, nice! I have finally brought you around.

M: Ha when I remember. Problem is I shop a lot on my phone.

A: What a time to be alive.

Weekend Window Shopping: Anthropologie Has You Covered.

Anthro currently has 25% off everything with free shipping (no minimum!) so now would be a good time to order those stupid little gifts you forget about. Here is a selection of under-$25 gifts that anyone should be delighted to receive and if they're not, they get nothing and will be happy with that. So There.

         

                        

An Entirely Selfish Gift Guide.

Yeah, so I am one of those people who Christmas shops with a one-for-you-two-for-me mentality because when else am I looking SO HARD for good stuff? I also want good stuff! I am a terrible person and it's definitely better to give than to receive and peace on earth and all that stuff. Sure.

But...I also think you have to make your own fun and sometimes a list just happens. Here's what's on my Christmas List for Me right now:

These Madewell Chelsea boots are haunting me.  They've been in my cart for weeks and I'm scared they'll sell out before they get cheap enough for me to justify buying them. (Edited to add: they just sold out in my size. Woe.) But, it's not like Madewell will never have chelsea boots again, right? RIGHT? 

Also, do not follow Liberty London on Instagram because holy shit. They make me want so much stuff. Like:

This zip-top pouch is one of my very favorite Liberty prints. I don't need a little pouch but I do, right? Oh, I definitely do.

I also love this tote as well and I'm pretty sure I've posted it before. So useful and beautiful and yes, I hate myself for even looking at it. Stahp.

So, the other thing is that I have almost no "real" jewelry and every now and then I feel like I could be a better adult person if I had, say,  this lightning bolt necklace from Wolf and Badger which is basically killing me:

It is legit super tiny and ridiculously expensive and booooooooo. I can't have it. In that same vein is this incredibly beautiful and stupid single diamond earring lightning bolt that I would wear to my grave, or so I assume. (Though this more literal version from Catbird is rad too.) I'd also love something super minimal like these tiny gold bar earrings. I guess I could be super bargain-y and get these glorious Annie Fensterstock diamond earrings from TJ Maxx:

I gasped when I first saw them and then got lightheaded when I saw the price. Like, HAHAHA NOT FOR YOU DUMMY.  This pair is even better/worse. I can't keep talking about them. NEXT THING:

Has anyone bought a pair of these (only slightly too expensive) Mahabis slippers? Are they magical? Because really I want shearling Birkenstocks or another pair of Uggs slippers but something about the Mahabis ads just make them seem like they'd change my life a little. Apparently I really want expensive slippers that can be worn outside.

In other news, Anthro just put a bunch of winter stuff on sale "up to" 40% off and now I want this giant Michael Stars carnigan gin sweater::

I KNOW I KNOW. It looks so drapey and good but also substantial. Wouldn't I look cute in that? I think so too. Finally, I think I need some fresh fun makeup. I definitely want to make sure that the crazy Hourglass lipstick ends up in my stocking (because I will put it there) but I'm also super into this Charlotte Tilbury palette:

I need this like a glowy hole in the head but it just seems like a useful and delightful set. I also want to try her three-way eyebrow pencil and HOLD UP. I have found it. I have found the thing I need more than any other thing:

HEART EYES EMOJI! What on earth! A kitty pouch and lipstick set? This is it, you guys. This is the thing that wins the gift guide Internet today. Thank you and good day.

We Discuss: The Joy That Is Last Christmas.

A: I need you to watch this video:

M: Okay

A: Awesome

M: Okay so it’s very cold. Oh and there’s jeeps.

A:  Wham! Ski holiday!

M: There’s so much resplendent hair.

A: SO MUCH HAIR

M: I mean he biggest thing is their commitment to George Michael being straight.

M: I want that house

A: Right! And a love triangle(?) with Andrew Ridgley.

M: Spoiler alert!

A: SORRY

A: And it's Christmas

A: And maybe a birthday too

M: This looks like a good time.

A: Like, I really think Wham! just wanted a ski vacation and made a video out of it.

M: I think a key party is about to break out. A lot of sexy eyes.

A: Ha! George Michael all dreamy in a very hetero fur hood.

M: I appreciate how normal and derpy everyone is.

A: The 80s were a magical time.

M: Random close up on the diamanté brooch.

M: Whoa what happened to the party? Are they all on heroin?

A: YES RIGHT?

M: Wait is GM wearing uggs in the snow.

A: Yes

A: And running is...new to him

M: He’s just scared he’s going to run into a vagina.

A: Vaginas are scary, girl. They break your heart.

M: Why are they climbing over a fence to leave? Did they break in?

A: They all "hiked" in at the beginning.

M: But there’s no gate?

A: Oh, DETAILS.

M: Not one person actually went skiing.

A: Nope

M: Merry Christmas and thank you

A: It's my favorite

After spending, like, ten years making GIFs for this entry I found out that the Fug girls also have a deep and abiding love for this video! We are in good company. 

BUY THIS (Are We Panic Shopping Yet?): Some Stuff.

Hi! Hi hi hi! I'm sorry to disappear on you guys but I have been SICK AS A DOG. So sick. Gross sick. I won't go into details but suffice to say there will be no outfit pictures this week. Instead I've basically lost a week and now I'm panicking about Christmas because what's more magical than panicking? Sobbing? Rocking in a corner? Running away?

Anyway, here are a few bits and pieces that might make good gifts or are maybe something you need for yourself because let's face it, you're doing everything anyway and you need some damn cheer:

First! Nina found a few good deals on the coated Giles and Brother bracelets on Amazon. The prices will fluctuate so snap them up now if you want them. (Also, make sure it says "Ships from and sold by Amazon.com" because they'll switch it out without warning.)

This turquoise version is $24.79! It's literally still $120 on the G&B website. Insanity. I also found this super pretty pair of House of Harlow stud earrings are still under $10:

Now, on to TJ Maxx, my favorite. And they have free shipping today, y'all. No code, no threshold, just free shipping on everything. 

First, they have Mason Pearson brushes! These are the bomb, or so I've heard. I don't have a fancy brush but I've always wanted one and they're a beauty cult classic. They have the Pocket Boar Bristle Hair Brush, the Nylon Detangler Hair Brush and the Bristle & Nylon Hair Brush (which is currently on Nordstrom for nearly $50 more):

There is also this Louisa Perini cashmere scarf that comes in a bunch of different cute plaids but this is my favorite:

Or maybe you know someone who needs a llama indoor planter? I mean, really, who doesn’t? Now, let's talk about that stuff that you won't buy yourself but you should. Like, say, THIS:

I'm stealing Cambridge Satchel Company's Insta photo because it made me gasp. So sweet! So perfect! So impractical! I also love this silver nugget:

Everyone needs one fun, impractical little bag and Cambridge bags are bulletproof and classic. Love them. Finally, I think we need some slap up in here. I recently bought this set for myself:

It's a good value (two full-sized products!) and a fun way to try out some bold color. I also think this Sunday Riley set is a really good deal and features two of my favorites. What I really want to try, though, is this Hourglass lipstick. Kim France is making me want things again, y'all. It's unfair but loooooook at it:

It's refillable too which is very eco-friendly so you're basically saving the earth. Go you. Finally, if you're a Jo Malone fan (and I definitely am) this Christmas cracker set is doing me in:

The end. Nap time.