We Discuss: An Average Week.

A: I have a GC burning a hole in my pocket and was like, maybe I’ll get that YSL Touche Eclat thing again. Then I read MY OWN REVIEW.

A: WHY DO I KEEP FALLING FOR IT.

M: GIRL

A: My brain is broken. I didn’t buy it but I was close.

M: That thing is just bougie bullshit

A: It IS! I posted on the blog and said exactly that

A: So why was I suddenly like, maybe this time

M: broken

A: Touche Eclat is a bad boyfriend

M: If I stray from Bye Bye Undereye...

A: I’m in an abusive relationship with a highlighter

M: It will be to try Shape Tape concealer

A: Ah, now that one I want to try

M: Or another one that just flew out of my brain whoops

M: Fenty!

M: But! Bye Bye Undereye is nearly perfect

A: Fenty, oooh yes.

A: It is! And it lasts foreverrrrr

A: I didn’t even run out of my last tube - the tube cracked

M: dang

A: But it was TIME

A: I’m wearing that Le Labo Ambrette perfume today

M: How’s that going?

M: Chris had to take the trash out early fyi

A: It’s really nice - subtle to the point of invisible. Just the way I like it.

***

M: Got you something

A: WOW

M: Perfect for Paris

A: Hot pink cowboy boots. So Parisian.

M: Frawnch

A: Sweet Jesus why do those boots exist

M: They will look so good on you

M: I’m so excited

M: 

A: New phone who dis

***

A: A reader just sent me this (thanks, Ellen!):

M: RUDE DRESS

A: Like NOPE NOPE NOPE

M: Literally who would look good in that. The model looks like a potato in an ace bandage

M: That dress is assaulting her

A: I just snort-wheezed

M: 🥔 👗

A: She also sent me this:

M: That’s kind of fun, in a “formal lampshade” kind of way

A: I think it’s only fun because she’s moving. What happens when she holds still?

***

A: “The model looks like a potato in an ace bandage” is still cracking me up

M: 🤗

A: Your best sentence today

M: I’m really living my best life this week

***

A: Is this your new carnigan sweater?

M: I want that!

A: Is cute right?

M: Where is it

A: Anthro

M: Ugh I want

A: That why I asked if it was the one you just bought, but clearly not!

M: Ha no I bought the longer plaid one

A: So cute

A:

M: Yay boots! How do they feel?

A: Not bad! They feel huge though, comparatively

M: That’s always my concern

A:

M: Super cute

A: Good and stompy

***

A: Bought this for you and Lu:

M: Oh wow thanks

A: SO YOU CAN MATCH

M: It’s weird, all of our mail is currently being routed to a dumpster fire 🤷🏻‍♀️

A: Oh well, sorry about your Rothy's I just mailed you

M: Dang

M: Really should have fixed that

A: OH WELL.

We Discuss: Nostalgia Blindness.

A: Why. Why do I want these:

M: No

A: I want them

M: Nope

A: Target has a new line and it’s clearly Not For Me but I still want

M: They are trying to blind you with 90’s nostalgia

M: Plus your defenses are down because you’re not shopping

A: Oh my God what is this outfit:

M: wowwwwwww

A: And this one:

M: That t-shirt is SOMETHING

M: Also EVERYONE LOOKS BAD IN TINY SUNGLASSES

A: It’s like some stylist intern was confused about what people wore back in the olden days

M: See this is some kind of unholy clueless reality bites crossover that I find personally offensive

A: It’s really kind of insulting

M: It’s rude

A: The black colorway isn’t better:

A: This thing. With the fanny packs. Why is this a thing:
⁠

M: Listen we aren’t putting fanny packs on our boobs just no

A: OH BUT WE ARE. SO PROUDLY.

M: This is like the worst thing you can do to women with boobs

A: DO THEY NOT KNOW WHERE THEY GO

A: because

A: no

M: terrible

M: I applaud them for being size inclusive but why can’t you make the CLOTHES GOOD

A: Yes! I love that about Target but who is styling these ladies

M: A thin gay man

A: hahahaa

A: YOU ARE RIGHT

A: He’s also 24

M: right

M: He’s all YOU LOOK FIERCE HENNY

A: YAAAASSSS QUEEN

A: I still want those plaid pants. I’m sorry.

M: I don’t know why I have such dislike for them I am sorry

M: They are just very costume-y

A: They are very late 70s punk rock

M: right

A: Except they are Target and not Vivienne Westwood so I really should just move on

M: Meets Empire Records

A: Oh

A: sigh

M: sorrrrry

A: No no, it’s fine. I will add them to my list of things I didn't buy.

M: And a little Clueless AGAIN

A: OH GOD

M: yup

A: Nothing to see here

A: Move along, pls

M: Hehehe

We Discuss: Misery Crop.

M: 
 

M: Misery crop indeed.

A: What the actual fuck

M: Sold out, sorry

A: But seriously, if cold stomach jackets becomes a thing I quit

M: I think at that point I officially embrace old age

M: Eileen Fisher would never do that to us

A: She's a good egg who understands our needs

M: How about a down blanket that goes to your ankles. Yes?

A: Yes! Sign me up.

A: Cinch it in the middle for some vague lady shape and I'm good to go.

M: You basically just described my new coat

A: Which is nearly sold out, btw

M: Duh

M: Also pretty sure Ashley Williams is a plus sized model? Why is she so mean?

A: She hates fun

M: She’s probably actually Ted Cruz

A: He seems like the kind of guy who'd green-light that jacket

M: 1000%

We Discuss Important Pants Journalism.

M: This is important journalism.

A: OH MY GOD YES.

M: I have tried. I TRIED. I LOVE FASHION AND I LIKE TRYING NEW THINGS. And I am TALL with LONG LEGS and this style is a travesty.

A: You are SO MUCH MORE TRY-Y THAN ME. I just look at that and go nope.

A: SEE ALSO: cold shoulder tops.

M: I'll try them! Just don't make me wear the bad pants!

A: I would never make you wear the bad pants! I would really love it if bootcut jeans came back.

M: Aren't they?

A: Are they?

M: I think they've been coming back for a while. I wear my Pilcro Stet Slim Bootcut jeans all the time.

A: Oh yay! Thank God I don't write a style blog or anything.

A: PS. NOPE.

M: Okay those are a definite no, but at the same time when I was in New York last I picked these up and put them back down at least 17 times and I haven't stopped thinking about them. I don't even know.

A: OH MY GOD I LOVE THOSE.

M: AREN'T THEY PRETTY.

A: I SERIOUSLY LOVE THEM. FEATHERRRZZZ.

M: I fear Zara will not be cut for me, but they are are pretty to look at.

A: I currently hate all my clothes and apparently all the clothes in the stores, so I feel you.

We Discuss Birkenstocks. A Lot.

M: I just found myself pining for these:

M: So, duh, I went ahead and ordered those leather Gap espadrilles. Stay tuned.

A: Yay! I really like that Gap pair - let me know if they're good. I am currently pining for the coppery metallic Birkenstocks because I made the mistake of trying them on. I just don't know if they're versatile enough.

M: Hmmm. They are fun but I like my Birks a little less attention-grabbing.

A: Yeah, I suspect they are the kind of trendy I'd grow tired of.

M: Right. Like, ugh stop being so SHINY and then I would wear my navy blue waxed leather Arizonas which are all I really want.

A: I really want a pair of Arizonas so badly. I love my Gizehs but sometimes I don't want crap in between my toes. Like, ugh. Stop tounching my toes.

M: YES THE TOUNCHING. My Gizehs aren't nearly as comfortable. I'm really helping your cause aren't I?

A: NO YOU ARE NOT.

M: SORRRRRRY.

A: Just for the sake of research, do you have leather or birko-flor Arizonas? There are 800 options, many of them hideous.

M: I have the leather, my Gizehs are birko-flor. I think the leather will ultimately hold up better plus you can't fake the oiled leather look. they took longer to break in but man, I love them.

A: Yeah, my Gizehs are birko-flor too but I think I want a leather pair. I just can't decide which color.

A: Maybe not these:

M: Ooh. Shiny. These are mine:

A: No, I'm NOT getting the shiny orange snakeskin.

M: It would really open up a whole new avenue for you.

A: Holy shit:

M: What the actual fuck.

A: "Persian gold textile."

A: There is also an orange pair:

A: THEY ARE SOLD OUT.

M: They look like Ramen. Or Cheetos.

A: They look like nasty 1970s rec room carpet.

M: Shiver.

A: I really like yours quite a lot. I also like this pair with the gold buckles:

M: I like the black ones too! I sometimes think I want a white pair but I talk myself out of it pretty quickly.

A: I know white is really in right now but they just always look like nurse shoes to me. If anyone could pull them off, though, it would be you.

A: Now I'm thinking about copper again. Or gold. Or silver. Ugh. Why.

M: I like the idea of the shiny ones but when I see them in person I don't love them.

A: My practical side will win out. If I'm going to shell out for leather, I want to be able to wear them forever.

M: For you I think the black. I really like them.

A: Black leather, gold buckles. They definitely appeal.

M: Yassssss

Review: TONYMOLY Shiny Foot Super Peeling Liquid.

The things I do for you people. Show of hands, who's done a foot peel? I'd first heard about it when Baby Foot started getting really popular and the stories and reviews were fascinating and horrifying. So, obviously I had to try it for blog science. Baby Foot is the original and it's also kind of expensive but I read somewhere that the TONYMOLY Shiny Foot version was quite effective and it's waaaaay cheaper if you buy it on Amazon so that's what I did.

The package arrived a few weeks ago and it contains two plastic double-layer booties, two disturbing bags of liquid and a sample of foot cream. I decided it had to happen immediately so I followed the directions which involve putting on the booties (make sure to open both layers) and pouring the liquid in them. This step is COLD AND UNPLEASANTLY SQUISHY. I taped up the booties with the provided tabs and put socks over the whole thing so I could walk around. Then I sat on my ass for two hours while it brewed my feet. 

I rinsed as directed and used the foot cream and then I waited. For days. DAYS AND DAYS. The package claims the peeling will start in 4-6 days. This is a total lie. On day seven I was real mad because my feet looked exactly the same. Finally, on day nine I noticed some peeling action! Lizard feet! I'm now on day thirteen and things are REALLY GROSS Y'ALL. I am shedding skin like a lizard and I have to wear socks all the time. It's fascinating and gross and kind of wonderful? I don't know. I'm pretty into it. I've been soaking and gently exfoliating to move things along but trying not to mess with my feet too much. 

I'm hoping at the end of this I'll have baby unicorn feet because that's the goal, right? Anyway, I highly recommend TONYMOLY Shiny Foot Super Peeling Liquid if you want to have a fun yet horrifying foot experience. And if anyone has tried the Baby Foot version, please let me know if it's superior! 

At Least There's Netting.

WARNING: Slightly NSFW! 


Carry on. 








M: Um.

A: I am just…😶

M: I am more confused than I am by Donald Trump.

A: Where is her. Why does. What. Ouch.

M: There's...netting?

A: Oh. Huh.

M: This is like a yeast infection "before."

A: And this. They Barbied her business.

M: I want someone to blame.

A: Trump. Clowns. Kardashians.

M: You leave poor Kim out of this.

A: Kanye?

M: Too soon.

A: Oh! Bieber!

M: LEAVE BIEBER ALONE.

A: He's such a little shit!

M: Paul Ryan.

A: YAS.

M: Paul Ryan is definitely to blame.

A: For everything.

M: Vote, y'all.

A: VOOOOOTTTEEEE.

And Then This Happened.

A: !!!

A: RECOIL, HORROR, ETC.

M: 

A: