Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Unique Problem Areas.

I am insufferable.
A: I just read the latest Goop.

FIRST TIP: BE VERY WEALTHY AND FLY FIRST CLASS.


M: Duh

A: Then I got to the Tracy Anderson leggings thing and my head burst into flames.

M: I couldn't even read that far.

A: Go take a look. They are leggings that target your UNIQUE PROBLEM AREAS.

M: That BITCH.

A: Tracy Anderson's unique problem area is HER HEAD.

M: Haaaaa.

A: I wonder if there's a hat that will address that?

M: bigheadcaps.com

A: Perfect.

M: In the interest of total disclosure, I am having trouble thinking of anything remotely funny to say about Goop.

A: It mostly just angers me. Or makes me feel poor. Or both.

M: It's too hot to think about.

A: That's just the compression from the Tracy Anderson You Are Flawed brand leggings.

M: Ugh!

A: I know.

13 comments:

  1. I am cracking up at choosing a flight based on the quality of the first class lounge showers at the stopover location. Color me embarrassed, I've been going by price all these years. No wonder I don't look my best when I step off the plane!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I always choose my flights based on the aircraft.
    Everyone knows the A380 has different pressure and is "less drying," don't they?
    I mean, really.




    REALLY?

    ReplyDelete
  3. blackbird, I was just going to post that sentence. DIE IN A FIRE, LADY!

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  4. Don't forget this gem:

    “This may be too much information, but before I slip into the airline pajamas, I coat myself in a really nourishing body lotion.”

    YES DONNA, THAT IS TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

    Airline? Pajamas?

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  5. I love when people spray "active silver" around me on an airplane.

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  6. These assholes will be the first against the wall, come the classwar!

    Seriously. I could not believe how ridiculous some of the suggestions were this time. Bad even by GOOP standards. I have to credit a hilarious fashionism poster with this but the gems: The $900 suitcase that is just casually suggested. The dude who likes to slum it occasionally with the "struggling artists" in coach. The radiation combating miso!!! The list could go on...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knowwwwww! This one left me breathless. The radiation combating miso! Just. Wow.

      Delete
  7. "Before I slip into the airline pajamas" I like to check myself before I wreck myself. Also spray myself with silver bullets in case I'm a werewolf. Airline pajamas?! I have flown first class exactly once (on someone else's dime). It was Aeromexico and they wouldn't even let us board with water we'd bought in the airport (past security). They certainly weren't handing out pjs.

    Boo, richie riches!!!

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  8. Wow..and WOW...I couldn't be arsed to read past the first couple topics but had to scroll down to check out the problem solving leggings. I'm so disappointed... they didn't have one for "cameltoecentric?" OR is it rich ladies don't get those? Or that they are so rich they don't care we poor people get grossed out by their rich camels?? I wonder if I would find better things to do with my time and money when I'm filthy rich?

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  9. Hmm, you don't suppose she has any helpful hints for going Greyhound, do you?

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  10. I know GOOP is insufferable and the worst kind of snob, but I can't help myself - I always read her damned blog! I'm not averse to her movies either.... What is this sorcery!
    Good lord, the silver and the miso? Does she ever wonder who the "they" are who say these things work? I mean there are "they"s out there who will swear up and down and sideways that crystals cured their cancer and Elvis is their barista.
    Bitches be cray.

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    Replies
    1. "Bitches be cray" pretty much sums it up.

      Delete
  11. The part that sent me over the edge? "“I am a window person. Window people are slightly more selfish than aisle people. I don’t like to be disturbed by the person next to me, but am less bothered disturbing someone else. " ASS.

    ReplyDelete