The Day It All Came Together.

A: Someone is hiring:

M: Tempting.

A: I'm sure he's delightful to underlings.

M:

M: Adrien.

M: Everything feels so right.

A: Oh shit.

M: BOSS BABY

M: IN A TINY SUIT

M: IT'S ALL HAPPENING

A: How is this only now clicking?

M: What took us so long?!

A: FULL OF SHAME

M: CAMILLA!

A: AHahaaaaaa *sob*

M: CAMILLA! TOP! SHELF!

M: I swear to fuck it's modeled after him.

A: There is NO WAY it isn't.

M: "Would you like to be on my street style blog?"

A: I AM DYING

M: Please shop this with the pic of him and the tiny wine glass pleeeeeeaaaasssseeee

M: "You have...athletic thighs."

M: I'll stop.

M: It's hard but I'll stop.

A: ONG

A: OMG

M: ONG

A: OH NOT GOOD?

M: I 'm just saying onnnnnnng.

M: Idk

M: My brain broke a while back.

M: ONGGGG

M: Boss baby.

A: ITS REAL APROPOSSSSZZZ

M: 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

A: AMAZING

A: It's like our old Sartorial Zoo Tumblr!

M: It's perfect.

A: 💯💯💯

STILL THE WORST In Two Acts.

A: Shobbit just posted about his assistant Camilla and linked her IG. Her actual name? CAMILA.

M: Haaaaa

A: How long has she worked for him? Two years?

M: Poor Camila

A: He is THE WORST BOSS EVER.

~ Part Two ~

A: A reader just sent me this:

A: Never gets old.

M: AHAHAHAHAHA

M: HAAAA

A: I WHEEZED when I saw it. WHEEZING LAUGHTER.

M:

A: HHhahaaaaaa

A: Between this and his spelling his assistant’s name wrong for years? It’s like Shobbit Christmas.

Mind the Sartorial Gap. (Actually, I Do Mind.)

source: The Sartorialist

A: Someone should tell the Shobbit he's not actually funny. At all.

L: UGH! Why?

A: The fact that he even KNOWS the term "thigh gap" is highly suspect.

L: This is a man who definitely prefers all his woman to achieve unreasonable "standards" of beauty.

A: CAMILLA. THIGH CHECK.

L: WHERE ARE YOUR COLLARBONES, CAMILLA?!

A: CAMILLA, DO I SMELL GELATO?

L: NEGATIVE CALORIES, DAMMIT!

A: GIVE IT, CAMILLA. STOP HOLDING IT SO HIGH! DON'T MAKE ME JUMP FOR IT.

L: CAMILLA, I SEE YOUR NOSE HAIRS!

A: CAMILLA! YOU KNOW I CAN'T REACH THE FREEZER.

L: A man with such limits should be very careful where he treads with his "jokes".

A: He is definitely short on humor.

*high five*

Funhouse Mirror.

source: The Sartorialist

A: The SHobbit, regarding this photo: "A long pencil skirt is so flattering on a young lady with curves." Um. Okay.

L: By "young lady with curves," does he mean, "not a boy"?

A: I like her outfit and thinks she's cute but, yeah. No.

L: Me too! Love the outfit and wish that I had as few "curves" as this lithe little Euro does. Maybe things look curvier from way down there where he's shooting from?

A: AH! I think you nailed it. The bag might have confused him into thinking she had really curvy knees.

L: Total paralax effect!

A: Or else he's just a creep who thinks all women should look like mannequins. Maybe.

L: OK, seriously? Before looking for perfection in women, mayhaps the SHobbit should look deeply into a (non-funhouse) mirror?

A: He could just put it on the floor.

L: Or use an apple box.

A: Or two apple boxes.

L: He will *definitely* need Camilla to steady him.

A: CAMILLA. STEP LADDER.

L: STEADY, CAMILLA! STEADY!!

A: CAMILLA! HOW MANY YEARS OF BAD LUCK?

L: CAMILLA THERE WILL BE SO MANY YEARS!

A: NO YOU CAN'T HAVE A RAISE.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, But Not As Hard As Reaching The Tippy Top Shelf.

(Marianne has temporarily come out of seclusion because this was too good to pass up.)

A: Girl!!!!!!!!!!

M: I know!!!!!

A: That just made my day.

A: CAMILLA.

M: CAMILLA DID YOU EAT ALL THE CHUNKY MONKEY?

A: CAMILLA DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE THAT CHANNEL.

M: PLENTY OF MEN WATCH TLC.

A: NO I'M NOT CRYING I HAVE ALLERGIES.

M: I FIND "A BABY STORY" TO BE VERY WELL DONE.

A: CAMILLA. BLANKY. NOW.

M: NO NOT THAT ONE WHY IS EVERYONE AGAINST MEEEEEEE.

A: HAS KANYE CALLED YET? ARE YOU SURE?

M: ARE YOU SURE THE PHOINE IS WORKING? CALL ME.

M: CAMILLA DID YOU CHANGE MY RINGTONE TO "I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME?"

A: CAMILLA WHY ARE WE OUT OF HOT POCKETS AGAIN??

M: YOU HAVE ONE JOB!

A: CAMILLAAAAA!!!

M: ...
...
...
...
camilla?

The Wedding.

image source: The Sartorialist

M: You know...Garance posted that she was in NY over the holiday weekend, and the SHobbit is posting photos from NY and Milan...WHAT ABOUT KAYNE'S WEDDING?

A: OH BURRRRNNNNNN.

M: CAMILLA GODDAMMIT WHERE IS THE MAIL?

A: CAMILLA YOU KNOW I CAN'T REACH THAT SHELF.

M: I SWEAR IF YOU HID THE MAIL FROM ME AGAIN. CAMILLA COME BACK THIS INSTANT.

A: ARE THOSE PLATFORM WEDGES?

M: WHAT IS THAT SMELL? CAMILLA HAVE YOU BEEN SHOPPING AT ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH???!?1!

A: CAMILLA I NEED A BOOST! NO I CAN'T REACH THE SINK WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

M: NO I WON'T BUY A STEPSTOOL WHO DO YOU THINK I AM.

A: KANYE? YEAH, GO WORK FOR HIM AND SEE HOW THAT GOES.

M: I HEAR HIS ASSISTANT ISN'T ALLOWED TO USE THE BATHROOM.

A: DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK.

M: I WILL SLAP THAT LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE WOULD YOU BEND OVER PLEASE? MORE!

A: CAMILLA! WHERE ARE YOU GOING CAN YOU GET THE MAIL FIRST.

M: CAMILLLLAAAAAAA!

Not Cute.

A: I certainly did not die of cuteness. I think she could do so much better.

M: Sorry, I had to stop at "she had this body" for a mandatory puke break and a lie down.

A: He never fails to be completely disgusting.

M: Still not ready.

A: You take all the time you need. I think this comment is VERY INTERESTING:

Any who attends fashion week will know Scott has a new, younger girlfriend who he doesn't hid the fact is his new squeeze.

M: Oh my god. Do people still get the vapors? Because I think I have the vapors.

A: Are smelling salts still a thing? Would Sephora carry that?

M: Maybe Ulta.

A: Here:

source: The Sartorialist

M: NOT HELPING.

A: MAYBE THAT HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.

M: Oh he would never.

A: Oh, I know. I'm sure it's some amazonian young...Camilla.

M: CAMILLA IS THIS WHOLE MILK.

A: CAMILLA SLOUCH MORE. MORE.

M: CAMILLA I SWEAR TO GOD IF THOSE ARE SNEAKER WEDGES.

A: CAMILLA! TOP SHELF.

M: CAMILLA I JUST CAN'T WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.

A: CAMILLA CALL KANYE. KANYE. WEST. YES I KNOW HIM.

A: Poor Camilla.

We Amuse Ourselves.

A: I'm still cracking up about our last SHobbit email post.

M: Me TOO. The panda!

A: BRILLIANT.

M: Laughing all over again.

A: I missed picking on that little jerk.

M: Me too.

A: CAMILLA. DOOR KNOB.

M: GODDAMMIT CAMILLA! NEED A BOOST.

A: LEG UP, CAMILLA.

M: Camilla! Seriously, dying.

A: I think we need to explore Camilla.

M: Yes, Camilla. The SHobbit's woebegone Amazonian assistant should go viral.

A: POOR CAMILLA. Remember when he advertised for her?

M: CAMILLA ARE YOU WEARING FLATS?!

A: How much does Camilla hate him?

M: So much. She lets the hem out on his pants so he thinks he is shrinking.

A: In laughing too hard to tyyype

M: Every week she hangs all the mirrors an inch higher.

A: I fucking love that girl.

M: She's devious but downtrodden. He makes her wear all the really dumpy Marni.

A: He doesn't want her to feel too good about herself!

M: CAMILLA IS THAT J.CREW DO YOU THINK YOU ARE JENNA LYONS.

A: The next day she replaced all his "pants" with actual pants.

M: CAMILLA!!!!

*photo source: blog.tinafreydesigns.com

Can't Reach.

A: Everything about this made me roll my eyes so hard I think they got stuck in my brain:

"I don’t remember what I was shooting but I love how my assistant Camilla caught the line
 of my skinny Gap jeans and slim Aspesi coat,  and sleek New Balance sneaks (all Navy color(?))."

M: I think he's shooting a parking meter and wondering how he'll get his quarter in there.

A: Thank you! I just snorted so hard my eyeballs came back around.

M: "What is up there on the top shelves? What mysteries do they hold?"

A: "CAMILLA. TOP SHELVES."

M: "I NEED A BOOST CAMILLA."

A: "CAMILLA. STEP LADDER. NO, THE TALLER ONE."

M: "GODDAMMIT CAMILLA WHERE IS MY BOOSTER SEAT??!?"

A:

M:

A: WEEZING.

M: Keep trying, buddy!