Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Everything Is Terrible. Please Send Wine.

Apparently the idea of buying a new swimsuit has broken my brain, you guys. First, I talked to Marianne about it. A lot. 

A: I really need to buy a damn new swimsuit *knife emoji*

M: Ughhhh

A: The pool isn’t open for another two months but by then all the good ones will be gone and I'll end up with something like this:

 Nautica Absolutely Shore Swim Dress

M: Yeah get on it. It’s painful.

A: How much is too much for a swimsuit? $100ish?

M
: That’s what I spend on suits. In my experience it’s just worth it.

A: I need quality and longevity. I will be dammed if I ever buy another disappointing Target suit.

A: I’m thinking maybe a cute one piece with a funky pattern? Not, like Mara Hoffman funky, but something like this, maybe?

Kenneth Cole Reaction

M:
Cute!

A: OR! Literal busted can of biscuits:

#nope

M: Nope.

A:
I mean. Who. Why.

...

I then went to an actual department store to try on actual swimsuits with Kate tagging along for moral support. My favorite bikini of all time is made by La Blanca and it's held up remarkably well so I thought I'd start with there. I tried on this one which I thought looked really cute on the internet:


  La Blanca Island Goddess

It did not look really cute on me. Nor did the other SIX (!) suits I tried on but I did learn something - 1. Dillard's lighting is total bullshit, and 2. I am better off in a bikini. It's not that I particularly love flaunting my midsection but one piece suits don't seem to work for my short waisted, narrow shouldered self - they were all simultaneously too big and too small. The beauty of the bikini is that you can mix and match the top and bottom in different sizes. So I toddled home and got busy with Zappos and 6pm.com. I ordered this set:

La Blanca Solid Bandeau Bra
 La Blanca Tangier Shirred Band Hipster

(Actually, I had to order the bottom from Zappos and the top from 6pm because that is how my life is now. I can't even tell you how much thought went into this process. It better fucking fit.)

I bought this set from 6pm.com because it looks cute enough and it's marked down:

La Blanca Catalonia Bandeau Bra
La Blanca Catalonia Hipster

Now when everything arrives I can pour myself a glass of wine and avoid the terrible body-shaming florescent lighting of the Dillard's dressing room and hopefully find a swimsuit that doesn't make me want to cry. And, if it does make me cry, well, at least I'll already be at home. I will keep y'all posted!

18 comments:

  1. I always love the suits I get from Title 9 and Atheletica. And last year, I got an awesome one from Boden that resulted in a lot of compliments. It's really well-constructed.

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    1. Yes! I got an Athleta catalog yesterday and there were a couple of suits I really liked.

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  2. What is up with the department store lighting under most circumstances but especially when trying to buy swimsuits before skin would be anything but winter white and so why would we want flourescent lights with bad shadows.... Likewise lingerie department (OK Nordstroms actually has good light there but hello the rest of the retail world..............)

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    1. They would sell so much more if they improved the lighting. I mean, it's so simple.

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    2. The lighting in Target dressing rooms is a self esteem killer. Banana Republic lighting on the other hand, makes me feel so full of myself. I just wish their clothes were better.

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  3. Good God, that biscuit suit! Check out Boden. I ordered one from them last year (in my usual Boden size) and it was the first swimsuit I've ever tried on that didn't make me gasp in horror. Magic.

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    1. I actually do have a (very old) Boden suit and it's a bit...mumsy. I like their quality, though, so it's on the list.

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  4. I have several colors of the JCrew ruched femme tank (deep v neck, ruching) and for whatever reason, that suit is super flattering on me.

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    1. Oh, nice! Thanks for the rec, I will check it out.

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  5. Athleta is my new go-to -- an edited collection of good styles, well-made, and very functional without being mumsy or Gym Teachery, even for us busty gals. But the ones you found look great! Good luck!

    BTW, full disclosure, I worked at Gap Inc. corporate for eight years, and the one good thing about their short-lived Forth & Towne concept (allegedly for the over-35 "graduated from Gap" women's demographic) was the excellent, flattering dressing-room lighting. Everything else was shit, including the fact that the initials spelled FAT (which if they'd asked even one woman at this 72%-female company, they'd've heard about beforehand, but whatever; also within minutes of the announcement someone said in the comms meeting I was in, "oh shit on Twitter they're already calling it Old Lady", etc., I mean damn, what a missed opportunity). So. Anyway.

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    1. Hahaa. FAT! That's definitely where I want to shop. I've definitely got Athleta on my swimsuit list, thanks!

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  6. I have one of the Seafolly Boyleg Maillots and love it/great quality too...you can find them all over and also at Anthro.:-)

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    1. Welcome. :-)
      ....and yeah, agree..trying on swim suits = pure torture.. and wine is definitely better!

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  7. Last year I had to go suit shopping in May and the only suit that looked decent on me was a MATERNITY tankini. It says "maternity" on the label. I bought it anyway.

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  8. Last year I had to go suit shopping in May and the only suit that looked decent on me was a MATERNITY tankini. It says "maternity" on the label. I bought it anyway.

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  9. Online bathing suit shopping is seriously the only way to deal. Also bikinis are awesome.

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  10. I shop for mine online only as well because of the lighting. I shop at swimsuitsforall lately but have shopped zappos before too. Love the blue bikini!

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