A: I really need to buy a damn new swimsuit *knife emoji*
A: The pool isn’t open for another two months but by then all the good ones will be gone and I'll end up with something like this:
|Nautica Absolutely Shore Swim Dress|
M: Yeah get on it. It’s painful.
A: How much is too much for a swimsuit? $100ish?
M: That’s what I spend on suits. In my experience it’s just worth it.
A: I need quality and longevity. I will be dammed if I ever buy another disappointing Target suit.
A: I’m thinking maybe a cute one piece with a funky pattern? Not, like Mara Hoffman funky, but something like this, maybe?
|Kenneth Cole Reaction|
A: OR! Literal busted can of biscuits:
A: I mean. Who. Why.
I then went to an actual department store to try on actual swimsuits with Kate tagging along for moral support. My favorite bikini of all time is made by La Blanca and it's held up remarkably well so I thought I'd start with there. I tried on this one which I thought looked really cute on the internet:
|La Blanca Island Goddess|
It did not look really cute on me. Nor did the other SIX (!) suits I tried on but I did learn something - 1. Dillard's lighting is total bullshit, and 2. I am better off in a bikini. It's not that I particularly love flaunting my midsection but one piece suits don't seem to work for my short waisted, narrow shouldered self - they were all simultaneously too big and too small. The beauty of the bikini is that you can mix and match the top and bottom in different sizes. So I toddled home and got busy with Zappos and 6pm.com. I ordered this set:
|La Blanca Solid Bandeau Bra|
|La Blanca Tangier Shirred Band Hipster|
(Actually, I had to order the bottom from Zappos and the top from 6pm because that is how my life is now. I can't even tell you how much thought went into this process. It better fucking fit.)
I bought this set from 6pm.com because it looks cute enough and it's marked down:
|La Blanca Catalonia Bandeau Bra|
|La Blanca Catalonia Hipster|
Now when everything arrives I can pour myself a glass of wine and avoid the terrible body-shaming florescent lighting of the Dillard's dressing room and hopefully find a swimsuit that doesn't make me want to cry. And, if it does make me cry, well, at least I'll already be at home. I will keep y'all posted!