Wednesday, February 26, 2014

NO THANK YOU, MOM JEANS.

A: I PROTEST.

M: "They won't necessarily flatter your body." SOLD!

A: JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY.

M: I love a high waisted jean! They can be comfortable and flattering and oh my gooooooood don't wear these!

A: I just don't think the person who wrote this article actually knows what "mom jeans" are.

M: Frankly I am a little offended. Both as a mom and as a human being with working eyeballs.

A: I just avoid anything with pleats, elastic or long-bottom potential. They are never okay.

M: Pretty sure you can buy pants that fit that description at Urban Outfitters OH LOOKEE THERE.


A: And this pair? That are just outright called Mom Jeans?

No no no
M: Longest. Product. Name. Ever. Coincidentally, also longest zipper.

A: What do you think the rise is on those? 14"? 42"?

M: I think that's an accurate range.

A: I just can't. I can't. I CANNOT.

M: There there. No one is going to make you wear the horrible jeans. *pats head*

A: You might. You might make me wear them.

M: Damn it, FOILED AGAIN.

9 comments:

  1. Oh, ew! To all of them! I know it's all "OMG high fashun" to make ugly things cool, but this just CANNOT WILL NOT happen. You're all headed to the 75% off clearance racks.

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  2. I still cannot believe people are trying to make this happen. If you're that invested in wearing mom jeans just go to goodwill and buy some for nothing. $50+ for a pair of jeans that are already outdated, unfashionable, and tragic? NOPE.

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  3. Remember we all said this when skinny jeans came back into style. And now look at us.

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  4. I sometimes imagine that an evil villain was hoarding a warehouse full of these from the early nineties and is now twirling their mustache and cackling at fashion's circular stupidity. The acid wash! It burns my eyes!

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  5. There is no right way. No right way at all.

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  6. I just saw a girl on campus in fairly high-waisted very dark acid-wash jeans and I have to say I didn't hate it. Of course she's probably 19 with not an ounce of body fat and her ass is still perky and her thighs probably don't touch. So there's that.

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  7. As always, lurve y'all. More great fashion ideas that the fashion industry should totally revisit from the 90s and write articles about:

    How to "Rock the Rachel" Cut
    Grunge: It Doesn't Have To Be Dirty
    Lipliner: Never Enough, No Such Thing as Too Dark
    Sans-A-Belt Doesn't Equal Sans-Sexy

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    Replies
    1. Here's the thing they don't seem to get - "mom jeans" were NEVER in. Never ever. They were literally the gross jeans your mom wore because back then there weren't other good denim alternatives.

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  8. Oh dear God. Button under the boobs there.

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