Friday, February 4, 2011

Taking down the SHobbit.

M: Oh man, Garance's latest post makes me know for sure that Sartorialhobbit is a total ASS. He told her not to get a long skirt because it made her look wider? Sheesh.

A: Rage!


A: I fear backlash, but what's he gonna do, kick our kneecaps?

M: He might bite your ankles.

And then call you wide.

A: I'd kick him in the teeth but my feet don't go that low.

M: Maybe you can just use your big toe to step on his neck.


photo: Refinery29

A: It's like he's begging us to make fun of them.

M: Look how she has to hunch down to kiss him! I want to send The SHobbit's ex wife flowers or chocolates or something.

Pee Ess: Garance has amazing legs. Jesus H.

A: I just DON'T GET IT. And the nerve of that little troll telling her she's look wide if she wore a long skirt. She's positively lanky.

M: HE IS 3 FEET TALL. I think he is maybe the same size as Danny Devito.

A: But with less personality. I'd honestly rather date Devito.

M: Do you know how many results you get if you Google "Is Danny Devito a little person"? A LOT.

Danny Devito would never call you wide. And I bet he's a rather tender lover.

A: Um, yeah.

So, how many results if you Google "Is Scott Schuman a Hobbit?"

M: Hmph.

M: I am going to buy some of these commenters a drink:

A: This is my favorite comment from a blog:
She's quite pretty, but who's the hobbit on the space bike? Oh, wait! It's Sartorialist Scott Schuman. He is like sooo talented. And by "talented" I mean biggest no-talent closeted poof in history.

M: YES! Oh, these are our people.

A: We found them! We are not alone. Aw.

A: Oh my god, I toggled back to that Youtube video and he's STILL TALKING. Good lord.

M: I KNOW. God!

Let's not forget:


M: Right? That was when I started hating him. And when I started feeling like I could make a little fun of him, too.

A: Yep. When you do something like that, you're more or less proclaiming to the world "I'M A DOUCHEBAG!" I have no idea how he got someone as nice as Garance in his thrall, though. She seems sweet.

M: She really does. I like her but question her judgement. Maybe he is the Debil.

A: I'm convinced he's got her enchanted or something. Or maybe she's just not very smart? I don't know. We've all dated the wrong guy, I think.

M: MAGICK! Witchcraft and devilry!

A: He should have to walk around with a scarlet H on his shirt. Freaking Hobbit.


  1. omg so many lol's in this post for me. He really does seem like an insufferable Napoleonic megalomaniac windbag. And although she does seem nice, I can't help but think it was windbaggy of her to get with him while he was married...

    I feel about him and his ex wife the way I feel about Kelsey Grammar and Camille... like I feel bad for Camille but not SO bad because the reality is the ex wives are likely better off without these jerks.

  2. BTW, him calling her "wide" in any context... like in an inflated garbage bag tunic even... makes me want to spit fire.

  3. Insufferable Napoleonic megalomaniac windbag! Jess! You just nailed it so beautifully. I love it.

  4. One comment in and I am DYING! Bwahahaha!

  5. Haha, oh my gosh, you guys crack me up. He seems like a total asshat for sure. You guys skewered him well :)