M: I need you to find me some good eye cream options because I keep looking at this and need to be stopped:
A: If you buy that Goop crap I will be really mad at you. You read the interview about luring out parasites with milk, right? You definitely have a parasite and they love milk!
M: FIND ME SOMETHING BETTER. I HATE HER BUT HER UNDER EYES LOOK PRETTY GOOD OKAY.
A: THAT IS GENETICS HAVE YOU SEEN HER MOTHER.
M: I wonder what eye cream Blythe Danner uses...
A: OMG. I mean, I use some crap from Target because I get all overwhelmed by choice.
A: Fine. This one has peat in it and the word "miracle." Miracle dirt! For your eyes!
A: Also! Your monk creme has an eye version but it's so stupidly expensive that I'm mad at it.
M: I finished the monk creme and my skin hates me and I hate everything including monks maybe most of all.
A: Now I'm afraid to recommend anything because I don't want your skin to hate me.
M: My eyessssssssss heeeeeellllllllllppppppp meeeeeeee Gooooooooooppppppp
A: Shit, the bossy British lady loves it.
M: OH WELL.
A: BUT, I question lemon juice as the second ingredient. What even.
M: Now I'm looking at this.
M: But now this oh help.
A: I would always try the less expensive option first, but the Tata Harper stuff looks really nice.
M: What I will do is continue to just smear my non-monk inferior face moisturizer under my eyes and lament how they look like a crone's.
A: Hey, that's what I do. I think a better use of your funds would be to hire a tiny-handed monk to pat-pat-pat it under your eyes.
M: Pat pat go the monk hands.