Thursday, August 25, 2011

We're Gonna Need References.

A: The SHobbit is hiring.

M: Okay, I am polishing up my resume and I don't see where I should include that I am normal-human sized? Under "accomplishments"?

A: I think if you fall under the Shobbit's idea of "sturdy" you need to put it at the top, right above your name.

M: Marianne Canada, STURDY WOMAN

And then job info? What is my objective??

A: I think your objective is to kiss his ass.

Also, who requires an unpaid intern to have previous unpaid intern experience?

M: I think he is looking for an "intern" like that little girl at Marc Jacobs. Meaning, be wealthy and connected and fashiony and make me look important.

A: Ah, someone who'll wear jean shorts and make him feel tall?

M: Ding ding ding!

A: He might have a hard time with that second requirement. She'd have to be, what, 4' tall?

M: According to Harper's Bazaar, Smurfette is in the fashion game now.

A: I am never going to forgive that layout. It was insulting.

M: I am so embarrassed for everyone involved with it. Including myself for even looking at it.

A: I wanted to rip the pages out and mail them back to Harper's Bazaar. I need an intern for this kind of task.

M: But only an intern with LOTS of intern-y experience in ripping pages.

A: It takes years. YEARS to learn properly!

A: Also, he just listed a third job for a "second assistant." Did everyone at Team Shobbit up and quit?

M: Was there a Team SHobbit??!?

A: Oh, maybe he's BUILDING Team SHobbit? That is even more frightening. Why does that little troll need two assistants?

M: He needs someone to get his favorite muesli from the top shelf at Whole Foods.

A: And by "top shelf" you mean the one that's at eye level, right?

M: Well, OUR eye-level, yes. He can't even see the actual top shelf. He thinks it's a myth, just like the Midwest and disposable razors.

A: I think the second assistant's job is to pick out denim shorts for the first assistant.

M: And to slap food out of Garance's hand. In a pinch, the SHobbit stands on her back so he can appear to be of average height.

A: Oh, that sounds like a GREAT job. I'm sure he's always in a super mood.

M: Oh, certainly. All sunshine and sparkles, that one.

(photo source:

1 comment:

  1. heh...oh I shall think of him as a cranky BLUE hobbit. he should sue youse for defamation!

    and oh my god, I'd blocked that smurfette thing out of my mind! I adore Harper's bazaar, but that was the worst idea ever! Ugh!