M: Are those...high-waisted, pleated, drop-crotch shorts? Lord have mercy.
A: Where would you even go to buy something like that? And, even if they were in every freaking Gap, WHY WOULD YOU.
M: I am always on the lookout for something that cuts inches off both my legs and torso, and gives me a wicked case of Mom Butt. I mean, I am guessing the back looks something like these.
A: I do like to look as stumpy and short-waisted as possible when I'm wearing shorts. I mean, who wants to look leggy and tall? NOT ME.
M: Leggy and tall is for losers. I just ordered myself some of these:
A: Oh. Those are. Something.
M: I am going to look SO GOOD.
A: Um, yeah honey. You sure will.
M: I think I'll wear them with these. I hate when my ankles get cold.
A: I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU.
M: This just made me wonder if those awful relaxed pocket shirts are still a thing and then I found the saddest model:
I know. I am breaking up with me too.
A: God, she just wants to DIE. Hopefully nobody who hated her in high school will post it on Facebook.
M: "Most Likely To Fill Her Relaxed Pockets With Rocks And Walk Into A Lake"
A: It's so sad, y'all! That pocket was down to her knees! Then she filled it with rocks!
M: You guys, do you know how many rocks that took? So many rocks.
A: My arms are tired just thinking about it.
M: Rest in peace, rock pocket girl.